It was a little confusing at first. how could Emily be alive going to some funeral? but then realizing that she could've been gettting ready for that funeral and thats how her accident happned? great story, just alot of confusin about the deaths.
LOVED THIS, though I would put more commas where they need to be. Also, " it really hurts my feelings I'm no longer virgin because i gave that to my 2nd boyfriend that was the time i feel that i want to be his wife in the future but i was wrong because after that he begin to change and we broke up" make this more specific because i thought you were talking about your current boyfriend.
comparing a bird with a person? show the simile in there.
a good child always doing what shes told. maybe try to add what makes her or controls her basically to act this way.
give her a rebel side soon.
maybe add detail on why she feels this way?
- very relatable to me.
- shes often depressed? or suicidal?
- putting on a smile to just feel like everyone else, is just what the society wants.
its sad people often feel this way, like theres no way out but truly ending it.
freedom was a wonderful title for this. it feels like she was trapped to be his and only his.
he beat her for her love or acceptance. which was terribly wrong. she smiles at the freedom she has been given. and she finally was given a chance to be her and only her.
great choice of words. real deep and serious.
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