The sixth stanza is by far my favorite! It seems a lot of thought was put into this, so kudos to you, fyndorian! As far as clarity goes, it was pretty clear, but I prefer that you could have used another comma to distinguish what is said in the note and what if going through the mind of his old lover. There was great rhythm and flow, but some of it seemed confusing or could have been worded better. The word choice for "down Pettysville way" was not my cup of tea. I could not tell if it's supposed to be a street name --Pettysville Way-- or a path of petty --which would seem harsh for a man to say to a woman who he is trying to encourage to have hope that another man will find her. If it is the former, I prefer it to be said like, "on Pettysville Way." If it is the latter, maybe the whole line should be revised, but I do like it being said like this, "With the prettiest woman following the way of pettysville." Okay, in hindsight, this was a great read with minimal complaints. The arrangement of words was simple, but so far from the way I arrange my own words, so it was a little odd reading, but -hey!- we all have different minds. The words were creative and painting the tale accurately, but some adjectives could have been thrown in. Any who, I should wrap this up by saying they were great lyrics.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/savannah1207
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 9:44pm on Nov 16, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
