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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/scarabbi
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7 Public Reviews Given
7 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of First Steps...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
I found this trough random reviews. It has a definite 'I don't care about anything' attitude, which presumably is what you are going for here. The bit about 'deep fried in bacon fat' is evocative, but I'm not sure what it means. So perhaps that bit is trying too hard. Also, the phrase you want at the end of that sentence is 'en masse'.
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Not actually as bad as the description makes it sound. It does alright as comic poetry.

If you wish to improve it, you might switch out the second mention of 'cudgel' for a different word, such as 'weapon'. Given that you proclaim it intentionally bad, perhaps you'd rather leave it as-is.
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