I enjoyed your letter! I liked the overall theme, and I really liked the grand statements of human nature :)
What usually confused me was the tone of this letter. Though Louie addresses Layla as his "dear friend," he certainly doesn't show it in his writing. I feel that his writing is extremely stiff and formal. It's a letter that I would expect from a person in the seventeenth or eighteenth century, and you make no references to it being such a time period, so I assume that this is set in the present. Also, Louie states that he feels, if he were forced to say, nothing but indifference for Layla, which is also contradictory to his insistence of their friendship.
Most of the time, you don't put commas between the the two phrases in compound sentences. Make sure to do that.
Other than that, I found it extremely enjoyable! You addressed the main concerns of the letter, and you stuck to them. Keep writing!
Your version of the world's future is very interesting. The militaristic, technological universe is an interesting take, and I do kind of like how you have a country that chooses to keep its human soldiers. I'm going to guess that this is a prologue to a story, because it simply tells the reader what the world has evolved into, and only mentions Lima (I'm guessing the protagonist?) in the beginning. It would be interesting to see where this story will go.
The only thing that I would advise would be to bring Lima back into the story near the end, so it kind of ties things up and, in a way, brings the focus back to her.
Do continue with this idea; I'll be sure to keep tabs on it :)
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/scarletblack
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 1:09pm on Nov 22, 2024 via server WEBX1.
| (4.0)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
