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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/scarletblack
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15 Public Reviews Given
30 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Test: I am myself  Open in new Window.
Review by Scarlet Black Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I enjoyed your letter! I liked the overall theme, and I really liked the grand statements of human nature :)

What usually confused me was the tone of this letter. Though Louie addresses Layla as his "dear friend," he certainly doesn't show it in his writing. I feel that his writing is extremely stiff and formal. It's a letter that I would expect from a person in the seventeenth or eighteenth century, and you make no references to it being such a time period, so I assume that this is set in the present. Also, Louie states that he feels, if he were forced to say, nothing but indifference for Layla, which is also contradictory to his insistence of their friendship.

Most of the time, you don't put commas between the the two phrases in compound sentences. Make sure to do that.

Other than that, I found it extremely enjoyable! You addressed the main concerns of the letter, and you stuck to them. Keep writing!

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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
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Review of Modern Warfare  Open in new Window.
Review by Scarlet Black Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Your version of the world's future is very interesting. The militaristic, technological universe is an interesting take, and I do kind of like how you have a country that chooses to keep its human soldiers. I'm going to guess that this is a prologue to a story, because it simply tells the reader what the world has evolved into, and only mentions Lima (I'm guessing the protagonist?) in the beginning. It would be interesting to see where this story will go.

The only thing that I would advise would be to bring Lima back into the story near the end, so it kind of ties things up and, in a way, brings the focus back to her.

Do continue with this idea; I'll be sure to keep tabs on it :)
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