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37 Public Reviews Given
102 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
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Review by Michael Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Let's Publish!  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Review of Artificial Intelligence

Hello, Light, this is my review of your story as posted for
Let's Publish! Open in new Window. (13+)
For writers seriously interested in publishing short fiction and poetry.
#1557639 by emerin-liseli Author IconMail Icon

I hope you find some of what I have to say helpful. Of course, it’s all just my opinion, so I encourage you to keep whatever works for you and ignore the rest.

TITLE:
Artificial Intelligence Works for me.
As this is a nonfiction article, I’ll limit my review to corrections and suggestions, as well as any opinions I might have on the presentation or content. I’m an AI fan from way back, having read all of Asimov’s Robot novels, Arthur C. Clark’s 2001 and David Gerrold’s “When H.A.R.L.I.E. was One” before the eighth grade. I also lived for “Lost in Space” when I was ten and still love watching the interactions between Dr. Smith and the robot on DVD (I admit it--I own the series!).
CORRECTIONS & SUGGESTIONS:
*CheckB* TV series¾at Not sure what happened here…
*CheckB* general science¾including electronics, …or here.
*CheckB* (The rest of this paragraph is a little technical) I would omit this--it’s a bit condescending, especially since the concept of adaptability as a key indicator of intelligence isn’t all that technical. It also may be slightly misleading as if you think about it all living organisms are adaptable to some extent whether or not they display the least evidence of intelligence. Even diseases are able to adapt to become immune to antibiotics. The diversity of life itself is an indicator of its adaptability.
*CheckB* Some qualities an AI does not need to possess are being self-aware, and having emotions.
To truly know the universe, wouldn’t one need to be self aware? If not, when does simple adaptability become measurable intelligence? A dog shows “intelligence” when it learns to sit on command, but is that even comparable to when a child first realizes he is someone? If a being doesn’t recognize itself as a being, how does it view the universe and its place therein? I don’t know if these concepts have any place in your article, but you mention them so I thought I might throw out some questions that might be raised.
*CheckB* In addition, we salve solve problems, and we plan for our futures.
*CheckB* These are examples of people mirroring the experience of another. aka Empathy.
*CheckB* The human mind is a record of all of what an individual has been conscious. This is probably not what you intended to say.
*CheckB* The easiest way to accomplish all of this is by a super computer¾a Again, something here went awry.
MY OPINION:
I think this is a very good overview (in general) of the state of AI, but it really doesn’t raise any moral questions or delve into the immeasurable amount of data it would take to “simulate” intelligence. When a human learns, it immediately searches its storehouse of internal data banks to calculate possible outcomes for courses of action. Much of this is based on “feeling” (emotion) as much as logic, so the number of simultaneous calculations that have to occur are well beyond the scope of our near future technology. Even the next generation hafnium microchip will be an antique by the time we ever get to that point. Thanks for the interesting read--I hope to see the final version in the newsletter!

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
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Review of The Geuji  Open in new Window.
Review by Michael Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Review of The Geuji

Hello, Sara King, this is a raid!

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I hope you find some of what I have to say helpful. Of course, it’s all just my opinion, so I encourage you to keep whatever works for you and ignore the rest.

PLOT:
Betrayal, deceit, intrigue, secession and the threat of war in a star-spanning empire. Wow--quite a bit going on here for such a short piece. I’d love to see this expanded into a novella--or even a novel--so that we can get a better understanding of the universe you’ve created and the peoples in it. I am very happy to see that you didn’t fall into the info-dump trap, though.
CHARACTERS, STYLE & VOICE:
Here’s where you might benefit from a little embellishment. I think that this story relies heavily on character arc and particularly the relationship between Rothren and Xutra. I would have liked to see a bit more earlier in the way of establishing their friendship, so that in the end, when we discover that Xutra’s betrayal was in fact out of love for his friend, it makes more sense and has a stronger impact. That way too your premise will be better defined.
REFERENCING & SETTING:
Like I said earlier--there was a lot going on here. I would really love to see this expanded, because I think with so much to digest, it detracts a bit from the premise and character arc. If you had more words to work with, you might even find a way to show us what your aliens actually look like without being info-dumpy. I love the hints!
CORRECTIONS & SUGGESTIONS:
*CheckB* They must destroy another species’s chances, too?” species’
*CheckB* Zeri’s eyes (conveyed that he) did not believe him.
*CheckB* As much as he wanted to, he couldn’t allow his experiences with one Geuji (to) decide the fate of an entire species.
MY OPINION:
Your writing is tight and clean, with very few exceptions, and you’ve created a very interesting world that I would love to see more of. Thanks for the opportunity!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
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Review by Michael Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Let's Publish!  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hiya Light,

I figured I'd stop on by and offer our little sub-group some review-time. Because this is a rather short prologue, I'm doing away with my normal review format and will limit my comments to the substance of your piece.

Well, I'm certainly looking forward to reading more of this based on the prologue. It promises to be both challenging and fun. That said, I was guessing that the sub-planes are accessed mentally and made physical via some new exotic matter (dreamstuff) or energy (thought) until you mentioned that some are born on different planes of existence. I still may be right, I suppose. But whatever the case may be I think you should define each plane in such a way that it makes sense to we laymen. I'm interested in why you chose to include a reference to the Greek alphabet--perhaps this universe is more like ours than you let on. I would imagine that if any of our real world societies had knowledge of such a universe (discounting future ones) it would have to be one from before the flood, or at best from Mesopotamian, Sumerian, or even pre-Mayan, so that no real record yet existed. Of course, cave art goes back more than 12,000 years. That would mean that the Greek culture grew up independently in both universes.

I worry a little about your closing question--I just don't think I know enough yet about your universe to even fathom answering that.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
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Review by Michael Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Wink*
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Review by Michael Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Review of Through the Super Collider

Hello, Light, this is my review of your poem as posted for
Let's Publish! Open in new Window. (13+)
For writers seriously interested in publishing short fiction and poetry.
#1557639 by emerin-liseli Author IconMail Icon

I hope you find some of what I have to say helpful. Of course, it’s all just my opinion, so I encourage you to keep whatever works for you and ignore the rest. Keep in mind I know very little about poetry, and only ever attempt to review a poem when it either deeply moves me or is familiar enough and intriguing enough to allow me to think I might actually have something helpful to say. Yours, quite obviously, falls into the latter category. I’m not sure what was more fascinating to me, the fact that you chose to write a poem exploring the seemingly correct, yet seemingly incompatible co-existence of the theory of relativity and the theory of quantum mechanics, or that you actually did it without being condescending or overly analytical. I think if this poem has a future home somewhere, it will be in some scientific journal or “hard” science fiction venue, because the mainstream reader will have no clue what you’re talking about. It’s like the chemist who gets up in front of his colleagues to speak, and opens with the ice-breaker, “Why do we do chemistry? Because it’s pHun!”

THINGS TO LOOK AT:
I don’t know if these things are right or wrong, but hey stood out to varying degrees.
*CheckB* The first stanza is in third person, the rest are in first person. You could easily change it like this:
Another late night
For the Doctor this be
Pizza boxes
Are up to his my knee
*CheckB*Keeping my eyes open
Is quite a fete “Fete” is a celebration, “feat” is an accomplishment.
*CheckB* The nucleus began talking
Sounding like a Marine This was a stretch for me…funny though. You did kind of redeem yourself by using soldier in the next stanza.
*CheckB* Some looked like a hotdog
I’ve never heard anyone use this comparison for strings, but I kind of see the resemblance based on documentaries I’ve seen.
*CheckB* Please stop moving
You fly like a bat
Stop moving,
What is that? Uncertainty principle?
*CheckB* That we do exist
There in your mind Good analogy of physics in general, I think.
*CheckB* No, I tell you
There’s no need to fight
Then, all he could see
Was a blinding light Are you talking about multiple big bangs here, as in, continuous birth and rebirth of soap-bubble universes? I’m not really sure what you mean to say here, and I think it’s important to the understanding of the whole poem. I would try and think of a stronger way to say what you mean. I almost wanted him to look at the quantum universe and see our own universe; kind of that never ending string of universes within universes, where our galaxies are the atoms of another universe, and our atoms are the galaxies in another universe, and so on infinitum.

MY OPINION:
All in all a very good start, I think, though again, that comes from my own opinion, unpolluted by any pre-existing prejudices regarding the rules of proper modern poetry. There were some rough spots that others more versed than I can no doubt help you with. But as one who enjoys physics, I can say I enjoyed your poem, even though I wanted a more concrete statement at the end. Don’t get me wrong, I certainly don’t expect you to make the next great breakthrough in the long trek toward the discovery of a Theory of Everything, but a little speculation in terms of what else there is might not hurt. Because obviously, we both know, there is at least one missing link that somehow relates to the weak force (gravity), and probably many more pieces to the puzzle as well. Maybe an infinite number of them.
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Review by Michael Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
My apologies if you're getting this for the second time--I tried to clear my rating and my review disappeared and I couldn't get it back. Maybe it went through, but I doubt it. Aargh! Anyway, let me try to remember what I wrote.

I think you did a much better job this time avoiding any glaring science mistakes. I even think the lack of science is absolutely fine, if not expected, for a piece this size. There are three things, though, that I'll mention--do with them what you want. First, The names are clever, and once you sound them out, they're easy to pronounce and even catchy (well, except for the "Q" one) . I just wonder if, in a piece this short, you might want to use the full name once, and then maybe "X", "T" and "Q" afterward. Oh, one was a planet, right? LOL, so, yeah, I guess it was a little confusing. I don't know. Just a thought. Second, I think you lost a bit of the impact by not referring back to earth at the end. Maybe the aliens could think the radio garble coming from earth is an ancient, malfunctioning beacon left by the Saturnians (Or are they Jovians now?). Lastly, I kind of liked the way the first version read like a parable. I know others said it distanced them from the characters, but isn't that the point?

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Review by Michael Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Let's Publish!  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Review of Whistle in the Wind, by Ben

Okay Ben, so according to your note, you’re interested in a “big picture” review, so I won’t waste your time telling you how envious I am at the speed in which you can put out a smooth, well written piece. And this was certainly that.

However, I must concur with Fadz that the story falls a bit short in comparison to the tens if not hundreds of previously published works that explored essentially the same idea. I fear your plot is equally as trite as, say, orcs.

So that I’m not just rehashing what’s already been said, I’ll stick with the science portion of the equation. Unfortunately, there are flaws. Now, scientifically flawed stories litter the genre, of this there is little doubt. However, you are still required, as the author, to convince the reader of the plausibility of your science, no matter how far “out there” it may be. This is why guys like Ben Bova can populate planets like Saturn convincingly, while others try miserably to tailor life as we know it to exist in the harsh, lethal environments that exist on our neighboring planet cousins. It’s fine to say life exists on Saturn. Or could exist. But they most certainly would not be made like anything we would immediately recognize as life. And I doubt they would have tails.

You have to remember that Saturn is a gaseous planet, and only has a very small solid hot core, the rest of it is a sea of varying density, consisting of Hydrogen and helium, and less than 1% other trace gases. There is water, so life is conceivable for a hardcore science fiction enthusiast. However, as the atmosphere is dense like a liquid near the core, and gradually becomes less so the higher up you travel, and there is no solid ground to build on, any life would be free floating and relegated to a relatively thin layer of depth, somewhere between the glowing hot core below and the extreme cold of the upper atmosphere. It would also have to be able to withstand winds of up to 1,000 mph, so rather than being a solid entity, so to speak, it might develop more like a network of entities, small enough to allow the gas molecules to pass through it, or to simply ride the winds like a living kite. It wouldn’t look, feel, think, or act like anything you’ve ever seen.

If I’m going to believe your world can exist, I first need to know you understand what you’re up against.

Another issue, just off the top of my head, involves Saturn’s rings. The widely accepted theory is that the rings are the remnants of a moon that got too close and was shredded by Saturn’s gravity. It’s believed this was a--cosmically speaking--relatively recent event, only a million or so years ago. So depending upon the length of the journey (remembering that you are bound by the speed of light), the rings may not have been there when the aliens left their home. Which brings me to the whole issue of time. Depending, again, on where the aliens are from, when they look at Sol, or earth, they are looking back in time. The farther away they are the farther back in time they’re looking. Before I realized you were going the Saturn route, I thought you were using that concept to say that a race of dinosaurs was coming to earth looking for an older race that once existed on earth, a race of intelligent dinosaurs. Still trite, but more workable in 1,000 words, I think.

I hope this helped.
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Review by Michael Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Review of Awake in the Age of Lizards

Hello, Ben, this is my review of your story as posted for
Let's Publish! Open in new Window. (13+)
For writers seriously interested in publishing short fiction and poetry.
#1557639 by emerin-liseli Author IconMail Icon

I hope you find it helpful. Of course, what follows is only my opinion, and I encourage you to keep what works for you and discard the rest.

TITLE:
Review of Awake in the Age of Lizards
PLOT:
Let’s just see if I have this even close to right. The coconut is a metaphor for the Hand of God, i.e., the disaster that wiped out the dinosaurs (or that may in fact wipe us out). The religious zealots’ massacre of the lizards is a commentary on social paranoia and our tendency to forget reason and revert to a more instinctual fight or flight reaction when faced with the new and/or unexplainably different. All that flagellation going on speaks of our repressed sexual tensions and our use of religion to enslave our fellows through superstitious terror, brainwashing, and the promise of uncounted virgins awaiting our arrival at the Pearly Gates if we behave righteously and only kill those who are unexplainably different than us, or worship a God whose skin is a different color than ours. And all the talk of vigilance (or lack of) speaks of our tendency toward wandering aimlessly through life, oblivious to the true nature of our world and the issues facing us. Did I miss something? Are the lizards about to bring some good old fashioned revenge into the mix? That would cover just about all of the major flaws of mankind. Well, as many as you can fit in under 900 words, anyway.
CHARACTERS, STYLE & VOICE:
Who? What? Some ants, a coconut, some geckos, and a gun-toting religious zealot. I must say though, I’m a bit disappointed that you used dinosaurs instead of orcs.
REFERENCING & SETTING:
Benzarro, USA.
CORRECTIONS & SUGGESTIONS:
Hmm…what’s to say? You aimed for bizarre, you got bizarre. Nice job!
MY OPINION:
Two words: send it.
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Review of Saving Grace  Open in new Window.
Review by Michael Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Review of Saving Grace

Hello, Ben, this is my review of your story as posted for
Let's Publish! Open in new Window. (13+)
For writers seriously interested in publishing short fiction and poetry.
#1557639 by emerin-liseli Author IconMail Icon

I hope you find it helpful. Of course, what follows is only my opinion, and I encourage you to keep what works for you and discard the rest.

TITLE:
Saving Grace
PLOT:
As you know, the backbone of any good horror story is the feeling it generates in the reader; the feeling best described as “a creeping dread.” Lovecraft was the master of creating such an air in his stories. Stephen King is the more modern of the masters known for this device. Readers of horror want that tension. They want to jump at the slightest sound while they’re reading your story. They want to read your climax through barely splayed fingers, ready to slam the book closed and pull the covers up over their heads if (hopefully!) it becomes too much. They want to be so unnerved when they finish reading that they lie in bed with an aching bladder, rather than tiptoe down the dark hallway to the bathroom. I think your story falls short in its attempt to propagate that feeling of creeping dread. One of the reasons is, no one in your story is afraid. In fact, Grace seems to find it funny (Take this line, for example, "Are you sure we should spend the night here, Max? It doesn't seem all that safe… at least for you”). Even when your narration tries to create tension, it seems your characters sabotage it. For instance, Gloria awakens to the sound of scratching…and nothing happens. She’s confused, maybe, wondering what it could be, but the only sense we get that she might possibly be scared is that it took her awhile to get back to sleep. But for all we know, she always has trouble getting back to sleep when she wakes up during the night. If your characters aren’t scared, your reader certainly won’t be. And only at the climax does one of your characters feel dread. Unfortunately, by the time the climax rolls around, we’ve been waiting so long to be scared that when Max is suddenly missing, it’s not nearly enough for us. Not only that, but with no fear factor and no “monster,” the ending (Max disappearing without a trace, Gloria’s bizarre, sudden transformation) seems almost…lazy.
CHARACTERS, STYLE & VOICE:
My next nit-picking involves Gloria. In order for her reaction at the end to be at all believable, you need to make her a bit more eccentric throughout. And, if she’s going to be so flippant about the ghostly occurrences going on around her, give us a good reason why. I’ve never met, nor read, nor heard about anyone having a first (alleged) ghostly encounter without being in some way affected by it. If she’s acting this way because she doesn’t believe in ghosts, and is explaining these occurrences away as something else, then her reaction at the end makes no sense at all. Is she a self-proclaimed psychic medium? If she is, and Max thinks she’s a loony tune for it, then that would explain some of her behaviors (it might also provide for some interesting dialog between the two), but you’ll still need to build some tension throughout. Think creeping dread. Even when nothing insidious is happening, the reader should feel like it could at any moment.
REFERENCING & SETTING:
A haunted mansion in the bayou (where else?). You might find a way to instill some creepiness by showing us some more of the house. Just a thought.
MY OPINION:
You’re a fine writer and I’m sure you’ll find a way to work this out. Just put yourself there. What would scare you? How would you react? You almost seem to have distanced yourself from this one. That said, your hook, for me, was superb.
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