Wow. Spectacular work. You left me breathless and a bit nostalgic. I'm still pretty young, but being a child and around children is a gift, and you showed that through this piece; fantastic job bringing forth a flood of throught and emotion to the reader... I really do applaud you on that! It is beautiful and an even more beautiful aspect to have felt its beauty. I believe you did wonderful work in portraying a hopeful spirit bringing light to another in the form of a boy to his mother; the backstory was easily recognized. Great! Just amazingly great. I found no errors or mistakes in spelling or grammar, but I did catch a few in punctuation. For example, in stanza 2, line 4, there should be a comma after 'head' to separate the participial phrase from the main sentence. I noticed a few of these throughout the poem, but they are easily fixed with a quick edit. Overall, a very touching, lovely poem! Write On!
Comments:
This is a very deep letter, SWPoet. To me, I found it very moving; it brought forth a gamma of emotions, feelings, and thoughts as I easily transferred what you wrote into my own personal experience. The second stanza was especially relatable... a close friend of mine recently had a fallout with me, and I think what you've written is close, if not exactly, what was going on; I believe that time will fix everything though. You have composed a very beautiful piece, filled with a lovely portrayal of feeling. You showed how you will be there for a loved one - even when they are pushing you away. Great, great piece! The wording is full of truth, straight to the point, and from the heart.
Suggestions/Tips:
I found no errors or mistakes in grammar, spelling, or punctuation; well done!
Comments:
I really enjoyed reading this! It gave off an interesting, quirky feel as I ready through each stanza and produced the perfect picture of a hard-hitting "brain strain". All those decisions, choices, what to do and what not to do, wishing your mother still had the power to help you... I loved the topic! It was genuinely one I could relate to, what with stress being a brain strain's best friend!
Suggestions/Tips:
I found no errors or mistakes in punctuation - well done! What I would like to touch upon though, is the flow of the poem. It is slightly bumpy because of the number of syllables not being even at some points; nothing too critical, for the rhyme pattern is still evident. I would also like to suggest that you may also consider expanding the poem. I found it a wonderful read... but one that ended much too quickly. I felt that you most definitely could continue and incorporate some more, but it is simply up to you; the poem would still be nice if you kept it short and simple.
Overall, a cute little poem with a subject I couldn't agree more upon!
Comments:
Wow, what a read! Though simple and short, the piece is pleasing and charming to delve into; it really made me stop and think to myself: "What does it mean to be me?" The personal meaning and grace you've placed as well as the beauty of deep thought is wonderful and like a breath of fresh air. I applaud you for sharing this poem that not only helped and inspired you, but me, and hopefully many others!
Suggestions/Tips:
I found no errors or mistakes in any areas of grammar, punctuation, or spelling. This is a well-done work of art!
Overall, this is truly a spectacular chunk of advice and inspiration for everyone to know at some point. I enjoyed reading it.
Comments:
Talk about creativity!
The idea of using emoticons was very clever, and I enjoyed how they added on to the witty humor you used in the poem. Though the rhyme scheme is simple, the story plot still came through, every bit as funny as I was expecting it to be... great job! I believe that you definitely used your brain power to spice up this story to the next level.
Suggestions:
I found no errors in spelling, grammar, or punctuation and see no further ideas for improvement.
Comments:
For one of your first dabbles at poetry, I find this piece striking!
You made the transition and change from winter's cold to spring's glory smoothly and with lovely descriptions and imagery; I could easily imagine buds breaking out of icy grasps and blooming in the warm sun. Great choice of words, and the rhyme was done nicely!
Suggestions:
I found no errors in spelling or grammar, but I would like to point out a couple of things in punctuation: The buds of flowers can blossom
Their appearance will be complete.
At the end of line 3 in stanza 2, I believe that there should be some sort of punctuation, such as a dash or semi-colon. This way, the two thoughts are separated slightly, but not too much since they are adjoining thoughts. I personally would choose the dash, but the decision is completely up to you.
Also: The glory of a bud in bloom;
Brilliance purer than a dove.
At the end of line 3 in stanza 3, I feel shaky about that semi-colon. In my opinion, the semi-colon should be changed to a colon, for 'the glory of a bud in bloom' could be 'brilliance'.
Comments:
I haven't been reading a lot of Egypt-based poetry lately, so this one got me!
I fell in love with your ways of describing the ancient wonderland of pyramids and great, towering monuments: the hot dry sand, the brick, the mystery-like shadow blanketed on it all... and last, but no least, the love. I found it all intriguing and beautiful!
Suggestions:
I found no errors in spelling, grammar, or punctuation.
All in all, a great read with a great feel on the Egyptians!
Comments:
What a collection! I find that we have most of the same taste in books and authors, though I haven't read most of the titles.
I love how you've put some of my favorites I first discovered as a grade schooler, like 'The Egypt Game', for not many people
these days remember it anymore. You've got a wonderful batch of literature here, and I hope it grows every day!
Suggestions:
I found nothing that needed major improvement; it all looks very organized.
Comments:
Very sentimental, very sweet - I can almost picture the scene on a sepia-toned movie screen.
Your choice of words and the heartbreaking elements you incorporated into the long-last memory and letters was pleasant to read. I especially loved the wrap-up you presented at the end of the poem: 'Signed with the signature of eternal bond'... what an absolutely striking way to leave the reader hanging on to the nostalgic feelings!
Suggestions:
I found no errors in spelling or grammar, but I would like to point out one minor error in punctuation: ...our souls intertwined
in a lover’s waltz.
floating carelessly,
unaware.
In stanza 2, at the end of line 3, I believe that you meant to put a comma instead of a period?
Comments:
Wow, you've captivated me with such spectacular imagery!
I could easily imagine those stunning magnolias with vibrant colors of green and white under a dark night... so beautiful to imagine!
I also enjoyed how you compared the swaying movement of the flowers to a couple embracing; it makes the piece more
surreal and dreamlike.
Suggestions:
I found no errors in spelling, grammar, or punctuation.
First off: Wow. This just truly left me speechless for a couple of seconds and made me think of the scene one more time. As a good writer, I congratulate you on that! You asked to move a reader, and you got it!
To begin, I have to say that the overall characteristics of a water and stone setting was very simple - yet with a few twists of words, you made it entirely complex on a whole other level. I particularly enjoyed how you took the simplicity of water overcoming the stone and breaking it, flowing out pure, and made it as if it were some great phenomenon... fantastic. The personification and wording was beautifully convincing.
The only exception was a very minor punctuation error I spotted in the second stanza, first line:
I believe that you meant to place a comma at the end of 'torrent' instead of a period, making 'flashing and brilliant' adjectives of the great torrent.
But all in all, awesome!
This is such a sweet poem!
The repetition of 'I remember July' was a nice kick to keep the reader focused on the long-ago memory, and I enjoyed how you described the carefree feelings and feels of summertime. But what I loved most was how you depicted a lovely scene of young summer love in a simple weave of words; great job! I found no spelling or major punctuation errors, but I would just like to point out one very small punctuation error:
In stanza one at the end of line 2, I find, in my opinion, that the comma at the end of 'skin' should be removed. This is really more of a matter to make the reading more smooth, but nonetheless, it still reads just as well if you decide to leave it in.
What a beautiful collection!
Pictures and poetry are two magnificent pieces of art to combine; I'm glad you have a lovely bunch of pictures displayed right here to help bring out the best in your writings. Keep up the great work!
Wow! This is amazing!
The nice, ol' pirate-y swing you've rigged up to the docks of WDC here is a great addition to the community. With this wonderful package-gifting forum, I believe that you'll help out many writers and newbies around the site, from lovely reviews to many good encouragements with Merit Badges and Awardicons. It is obvious that you have put forth some hard work, thought, and strong dedication to string all this together; the packages and the lay-out and the pictures are all decorative and really make the fun-filled theme shine. Smashing work, Tara! This is a splendid thing you've set up.
Overall, I'm glad to see that you've created this awesome forum for all to enjoy! It is indeed a delightful plus to this growing community.
This is a wonderful poll!
All of the choices you listed are my favorite classics! I remember reading Where the Red Fern Grows and Old Yeller in elementary school, watching Disney's Bambi as a growing toddler, and going over the lovely elements of Rikki Tikki Tavi not too long ago; they are all quite beautiful tales, if I do say so.
I'm very glad that you created this awesome poll for all of us on WDC to vote.
My only suggestion is that perhaps you could add a few more choices, such as 'Other' or 'All of them'?
I was itching and eager to vote... only to find that I ended up liking all of these stories, not just one.
It also came to my attention that maybe (and somewhat unfortunately) that others may not like any of the above. These are merely my suggestions; feel free to edit or not.
Overall, this is a great poll covering some of the best works of literature of all time!
Comments
Wow, you are quite the writer!
I know that most of us on this wonderful site are lovers of the art of writing, but you are definitely more than that; you are the diehard, dedicated type, and I applaud you for being so devoted. About 14,000 – 15,000 words per day? I have to say, I admire you.
Another thing – nine books?! Now that’s impressive! Although only five are, what you call, “worthy to be read”, I believe that all of them are most likely fantastic. Your novels seem to be doing well, and I wish you the best of luck with them!
Suggestions and Tips
This is, indeed, a very informative bio about yourself!
What I think you’re missing, though, is something to “spruce things up”. Perhaps you could toss in some color, pictures, or Emoticons to liven and brighten up your paragraphs? This is just merely my opinion though; feel free to edit or not.
Overall, this is a great biography! I enjoyed learning a little about you, Sara.
Keep up the great work with your writing!
Comments
Ah, what a sweet, sweet poem.
Friends are a lovely thing indeed, and I believe you covered all the features of what it’s like to have one by your side with impeccable accuracy. From the first line to the last, every single thing you wrote was honest-to-say correct, starting with the fact that a friend is someone who makes you feel at ease and closing off with a friend being an understanding comrade. I myself feel that I can connect with every word of this piece, for friends are a beautiful part of my life. Fantastic job!
Suggestions and Tips
I did spot any errors or mistakes whatsoever in any areas; great work!
Overall, a lovely poem over what it’s like to have a friend.
Write On!
- reilly
Review submitted by a Proud Sunshine Reviewer for "Invalid Item" !!
Comments
Wow – this is quite an extremely touching and emotional poem!
My heart reached out for this child as well as for all the ones in the world. Reading of what this child has suffered, from abandonment and abhorrent hate to a last dying, yet hopeful, breath, was tragic; these types of situations are never easy ones, but heartbreaking, and often painful, tales. You made this thought quite clear, with quite beautifully deep moving lines and emotion. Everything was pieced together just right; to be able to tell this sad, distressing story perfectly, you must have done wonders... and I say you did brilliant wonders on it all!
Suggestions and Tips
I did not catch any errors or mistakes whatsoever in most areas, but I would like to give a few suggestions in the regions of punctuation and grammar:
Punctuation Smiling in the middle of praying
I shall say goodbye[,] now; I'm fearless
After so long, I'll see light shining
No more plunging into the darkness
- To me, I feel as if the commas do not need to be used here; their full extent and purpose is not needed in this case. Also, the second comma seems to be leading on to another sentence, which really either needs to be connected in a new way or disconnected as its own entirely. I would imply taking out the first comma and replacing the second with a semi-colon.
Grammar Starving in the middle of nowhere
Hours, days, and weeks have passed since you left
I'm out here suffering in despair
All the hopes for survival—bereft
- Maybe I’m wrong, but I’m fairly sure that perhaps you accidentally switched tenses here.
Mostly, these are really just very minor mistakes; feel free to edit or not.
All in all, a touching piece I had the pleasure of reading!
Keep on writing!
- reilly
Review submitted by a Proud Sunshine Reviewer for "Invalid Item" !!
Comments
This is an exceptionally beautiful poem.
You did a fine job describing your topic with vibrant detail as well as creating a peaceful, quiet feel of the setting. With the way you phrased words into breathtaking imagery, I could picture your cottonwood tree perfectly, from the view of it being a lone butterfly standing in the prairie to its “blanket of snow” in the summer. In three stanzas, I am most certain that you were able to reach out and touch beauty in every reader’s heart for this one tree… well done!
Suggestions and Tips
I did not find any errors or mistakes whatsoever in most areas; I would just like to suggest a comma at the end of the first line, third stanza.
I believe that the line is a prepositional phrase into the next, which is then the actual full sentence. This is nothing really but a minor mistake. Please feel free to edit or not.
All together, you did great work!
Overall, a lovely poem covering one of nature’s wonderful gifts!
Write On!
- reilly
Review submitted by a Proud Sunshine Reviewer for "Invalid Item" !!
Comments
This is an absolutely amazing poem.
Freedom: a simple word, yet not a simple thing indeed. I believe that you covered the aspects of fighting for freedom strongly and with passionate feeling; the words you chose to state what it’s like for one word to cause chaos, war, and split families were powerful and packed with strength. In this piece, you really embraced this word and its meaning to its utmost depths, sending a true and emotion-filled message to all readers. I myself am awed, inspired, and strikingly touched in the heart. Bravo on a fantastic job!
Suggestions and Tips
I did not notice any errors or mistakes in grammar or form, but I did catch a few in spelling and punctuation:
Spelling Blood has been spilled,
staining the ground,
deaths too numerous to count.
- This is just a common mistake that can easily be made;
in the third line of the first stanza, ‘to’ should be ‘too’.
Punctuation Our forefathers fought to obtain it,
and we still fight to preserve it.
Men and Women
sent overseas;
families torn apart.
- At the end of the first line, I would suggest adding a comma since the first and the second lines make up a compound sentence.
- To me, I feel as if a semi-colon would fit in nicely at the end of the fourth line given that the third and fourth lines are one connecting thought to the fifth line, which is the second connecting thought. Therefore, they relate.
Do we truly understand[,]
the meaning of this word,
Or do we simply take it for granted?
- I believe that the comma at the end of the first line in this stanza is not needed.
How could we possibly understand[,]
the turmoil of[,]
watching your best friend die,
having blood on your hands,
Or the pain of dying yourself?
- Same in this stanza; the commas are not needed to this extent.
Great job! Most of your mistakes are very minor ones, really.
Just remember that these are just only my suggestions, recommendations, and tips; feel free to edit or not.
Overall, a truly awe-inspiring piece!
Write On.
- reilly
Review submitted by a Proud Sunshine Reviewer for "Invalid Item" !!
Comments
This is such a lovely poem!
For a short piece of eight lines, I loved how you incorporated the rising dawn as more than just a sunrise; you gave it a whole other life and meaning by painting it as a new chance, a new start, to make the world wonderful. That itself is a spectacular expression for all the world to understand. Each stanza was a joy to read.
You have definitely created a beautiful work of art. Excellent job!
Suggestions and Tips
I did find any errors or mistakes whatsoever in spelling or punctuation, but I would like to point out a couple of things in the area of grammar: It is a time of golden glory,
To watch the silver shadows battle the sunlight
Feel the euphoria of the moment and forgotten times
- To me, it feels as if the flow of the poem is interrupted slightly in between the end of the second line and the beginning of the third; it seems almost as if you are leaping too fast from one thought to another and causing a tad bit of confusion. Perhaps you could add in a connecting word at the beginning of the third line or the end of the second, such as ‘To’ (for the third) or ‘and’ (for the second). Although remember: if you choose to use ‘To’, don’t forget to add a comma after the word ‘sunlight’ in the second line.
It is a time to do great things,
Make the world wonderful
- This is a similar situation as the one in the second stanza where I would suggest a connecting word between one line and another. The word ‘To’ seems to fit nicely here.
These are merely my recommendations; feel free to edit or not.
All in all, a poem of beauty!
Write On!
- reilly
Review submitted by a Proud Sunshine Reviewer for "Invalid Item" !!
Comments
Wow, this poem is almost too good for words!
The entire piece, from the beautiful story to the unique and creative shape form, is dazzling. When I laid eyes on the first line, I was immediately entranced into Dylan’s tale. His account with the ocean and the desert is a lovely one, and I believe you did great work on it… especially toward the end. The effort you carried out showed through, and in the end presented itself as a masterpiece. I applaud you on a job marvelously done!
Suggestions and Tips
I did not find any errors or mistakes whatsoever, although I did catch one punctuation error:
- After the phrase “…the day I was born.”, I would suggest taking out the period to complete the compound sentence. I suppose that this is not necessary though, and I do see that it may tweak the shape form of the whale; feel free to edit or not.
Overall, a fantastic piece!
Write On!
- reilly
Review submitted by a Proud Sunshine Reviewer for "Invalid Item" !!
Comments
This is a great, festive poem!
You did a fantastic job with the Lento form as well as creating the perfect image of a good ole country fair. In fact, it brings back memories for me when I went to a fair a few years back – game booths, prizes, amazing food, animals, everything. You practically named it all in this piece itself.
I applaud you for spinning together such wonderful imagery and color; I could really see the crowd, the children, and the stands. Every part of the poem also flowed very well together and was pieced nicely right up until the spectacular end. Bravo on a job well done!
Suggestions and Tips
I did not spot any errors or mistakes at all… great work!
Overall, a splendid and delightful poem!
Keep on writing!
- reilly
Review submitted by a Proud Sunshine Reviewer for "Invalid Item" !!
Great work!
Pineapple is one of my most favorite fruits, and I'm glad to say that you practically covered all aspects of it perfectly. Everything flowed very nicely, and I felt comfortable flowing along from one line to the next, eager to see what else the pineapple had to offer. I especially enjoyed the extraordinary amount of detail you pieced in, from not only the ultimate flavorful description of the food's seemingly-alive personality and the wonder it offers, but the rich history ('Native to Southern Brazil and Paraguay') and the people who harvest this beauty ('...the kind and noteworthy farmers...').
I did not find any errors or mistakes whatsoever in any areas... you did fine work there.
All in all, I can see that you must have put in an exceptional amount of thought and effort into this piece; your viewpoints of this cherished fruit are basically dancing alive and so plentiful with zest. Remarkable job!
Write On!
- reilly
Review submitted by a Proud Sunshine Reviewer for "Invalid Item" !!
This a great poem, focusing on how the world's everyday changes are in a blur of color compared to the simple black and white of its natural face; I personally am pleased and impressed that you were able to get that message across.
Everything flowed nicely and carried a sort of serene and dream-like aura. The stunning scenes and thoroughly detailed imagery that you depicted were magnificent. I could actually picture the newspapers in the general store; the sweet, uplifting smell of Italian bread; and a pretty purple bunch of flowers. With these things in mind, connecting them with your way of saying 'black and white' was amazingly vibrant, wonderful, and full of life. I believe you did a fine job with those similes!
To perhaps help improve your piece, I would also like to point out a few suggestions/tips/opinions in some particular areas:
Punctuation It should all be black and white.
Not like a beautiful skunk,
packing eye-watering, noxious fumes,
behind a fluffy white tail.
- I doubt that this really a major error at all: a dash is needed in between 'eye' and 'watering' in the third line.
Simple and sweet and lovely,
like a nostalgic trip down
the lilac-fringed lane,
to get a bouquet for Mom's birthday.
- Again, there only simply needs to be a dash in between 'lilac' and 'fringed' since both words seem to be connected, with 'lilac' placing a meaning of what type of 'fringe' the lane displays.
It should all be black and white.
What happened to this world,
so colored and tinged and riotous,
that forgot love and meaning
in the wild scramble of colors.
- I would sugges commas after the second line and after the third line, seeing as the phrase 'so colored and tinged and riotous' is extra information describing the world.
Capitalization Simple and sweet and lovely,
like a nostalgic trip down
the lilac fringed lane,
to get a bouquet for Mom's birthday.
- Since you have not stated whose mother it is, I automatically assume that is yours, of course; therefore, 'mom' needs to be capitalized.
Overall, a splendid masterpiece!
Write On!
All the best,
- reilly
Review submitted by a Proud Sunshine Reviewer for "Invalid Item" !!
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Overall, a very touching, lovely poem! Write On! 
Overall, this is truly a spectacular chunk of advice and inspiration for everyone to know at some point. I enjoyed reading it.
Overall, I'm glad to see that you've created this awesome forum for all to enjoy! It is indeed a delightful plus to this growing community. 
These are merely my suggestions; feel free to edit or not. 
Overall, this is a great poll covering some of the best works of literature of all time! 
Overall, this is a great biography! I enjoyed learning a little about you, Sara.
Review submitted by a Proud Sunshine Reviewer for "
All in all, a touching piece I had the pleasure of reading! 
Overall, a lovely poem covering one of nature’s wonderful gifts!
All in all, a poem of beauty! 
