There is a lot I want to talk about with your piece here. The main ones are pacing and clarity. Some of the comments may seem harsh, but I say them because I want you to keep writing and I want you to be a better writer, always. That said, these are some rather serious issues, but they can be overcome with dedication and revision. So, let's dig in.

         I'm going to tackle clarity first, since that's the more important of the two, in my opinion. It doesn't matter how well you execute a narrative if your audience can't follow it. And this piece is rather hard to follow, for two reasons that I can see. First, this is a page. That doesn't really give readers the chance to grab onto anything in your work. It's just a page. Second, it seems like there was a lot of start and stop in writing this, as though you were interrupted by other things and returned. That's not a terrible thing, but without buffing the seams and trying to recapture the head space you were in, it does make the scene lurch.

         On the matter of pacing, the start and stop problem comes back into play. It winds up reading in some places like you are rushing to get this sentence done and onto the next one. That makes the narrative seem really uneven. Then there is the matter of the first paragraph and the second paragraph not exactly following. They are vaguely related, and, it might be that later on in the section, scene, or chapter they are tied more closely, but I only have the first page to work with. So it reads to me like a sudden jump. You go from a general classroom, with a focus on Mrs. Donatello to Thomas, a specific student and his life. Like I said, that might be taken care of beyond just the first page, but that's all I have to work with.

         I would give you a technical review of the actual writing, but it's a little hard for me to do at the present. So, instead, I'm going to leave you on some positives of the work. First, refreshing to have a present tense story. It really sets it apart from most other things that get written. Next, it's seems to be an urban fantasy, or it's going to go the C.S. Lewis route. Honestly, I think that both are genres that really need to be worked on more. And, most importantly, from your updates to this and the second page in your portfolio, you are sticking with it. That's no small feat, especially when you are putting yourself out there with any creative work.

         I do hope that you take this advice, though. When you are writing, don't worry about how long you're doing it, or the word count, or the page count. None of that matters. What matters is that you are telling your story your way. If it takes ten pages or 15000 words to get to the end of a sequence, that's what it takes. With a single page of a story, all I can see are possibilities, and I can't really give feedback on those. I can think about where I would take the story, but it would be fair to judge your work on what I would do with it.

         But, in the end, you are already doing the hard part. You are writing, and I hope that you keep on doing it. I look forward to seeing more of this story as it progresses.