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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/seawolf87
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Review by tseawolf87 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I enjoyed this one just as much as I did "1255 Robert's Cove Road," probably a little more so. Like my last review, I'm going to point out the technical errors that I spotted. Other than that this story is flawless.

Looking up the tower was a better one. Plus, the tower site was nice and secluded – the perfect make-out spot.
- I believe you left out the "at" between "up" and "the."

They didn’t have time for a traditional dinner-and-a-movie date – all the restaurants in town where closed and the nine o’clock feature was half over already. - Change the word "where" to "were."

“KFMQ… blah blah blah… s*** folks. I uh… don’t know what to say here. It seems that our very own Randi Marx is a little more… sinister than even I could have imagined. Freddie looked down at the phone lines blinking persistently. - You left out the end quotation marks after "imagined."

Anyway, that's the grammatical and spelling errors that I found on my first read-through. Also, where exactly is Freddie driving to at the end? Is he actually going to a grave site? What's going to happen to him when he gets there? Just some things that I was unclear of and curious to find out. I'm sure the other readers will want to know what happens to him also, so you might want to add more. Just a suggestion.

Keep up the great storytelling!





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