I found this story in your port when I dropped by and frankly, the brief description was what intrigued me. Prince, Princess and Dragons are mainstream fantasy genre, but this one promised an entertaining read.
My Thoughts:
The tale starts with a typical fairytale setting of an imprisoned princess, guarded by a fierce dragon who keeps all heroic rescue attempts of princes at bay. The princess has lost hopes of being saved.
The teasing from her captors, and the fact that, having reached middle age, she is still not rescued provides not just comic relief but also shows the writer's humourous take on the subject of the theme and attitudes of fables in general.
The note she receives from the Prince is eloquent and promising. However, the princess's reaction to it brings its other perspective to light. The prince is going to save her only to make a housewife of her, which for Carolyn is another stifling notion. She would be free from her captors but she would be captive again, in her household duties and responsibilites.
Showing her ripping the message is a great way to depict her frustration of being unable to be independent enough to explore her choices and make life decisions even after being rescued. I guess, this is what classical fairytales lacked - females having control over their own lives, and that is what the writer has meant to convey all along in this story.
Despite having a autonomous attitude on her life, she feels incomplete without a life partner, which also very realistic among progressive thinking women.
The ending line denotes that she is a forgotten individual, a living relic. Her hopes of being rescued by her one true love are further diminished.
Final thoughts:
It was fun reading and reviewing this story. Keep writing
This is a well written poem on breaking one's monotonous and mechanical journey through life. So many of us blindly go on with our routine without stopping to look around and savouring the details in our surroundings. Its only when we are shaken out of the rut, do we pause and look around.
What I Liked:
The poem has a smooth flow to it. The way the theme has been expressed, certain phrases especially accurately present the meaning.
The first stanza speaks about how habitual our lives have become. without pausing
without thinking
without tasting
The 'trip' is a clever way of making the person open her eyes to the world.
The second stanza is a vivid description of nature, as seen by a curious child, who is actually an adult rediscovering the beauty of nature.
The third and concluding stanza is about the person wanting to share it with her significant other (probably) but he is blind like she once was. That is the exact reality.
Final thoughts:
This is a realistic portrayal of life journey. I enjoyed reading and interpreting the poem. Thank you for writing it and sharing with us
This is a cute little poem about a little boy who is passionate about dinosaurs. It reminds me of my brother, who also was very much interested in dinosaurs in his childhood. He would have been thrilled if he had got an opportunity to do something like building Juan.
Anyway, about the poem, I liked that it has a sweet and nonchalant tone. It is after all, about a child. It has been written from a child's POV, so I could get why the old man has been described like that. I could sense the boy's excitement and enthusiasm to participate in the activity of digging and fixing up a dinosaur. He is, evidently, proud of it and refuses to part with it.
I enjoyed reading it and I am sure you enjoyed writing it Thank you for sharing this with us
This is a beautiful little story. It is about a woman who finally comes back home, gathering courage to leave her abusive husband, whom she had married against her parents' wishes.
What I liked:
This is a very realistic plot and there are quite a few instances which we have heard of in our life. I particularly liked the way you have described the protagonist's dilemma as in how to leave the abusive relationship and go back home, especially when her parents are orthodox. She does not know if they would welcome her back after admitting her mistake or if they would ask her to stay away.
In few words, the protagonist's emotions of distress is poignant in the way she reasons out what to do.
The action is fast moving, as it should be in a flash fiction piece.
It has been ended well also.
Suggestion
This is just my view.
The starting sentence of the story gave me the impression that this was about the 'she', who is the mother of the protagonist. Well, she is an important part of the story, but it is more about the heroine coming home. The plot revolves around the narrator, rather than the mother. So maybe you could rephrase that sentence like, I knew mother cried the night we announced our engagement
Final thoughts:
This is a wonderful piece and I could totally relate to it. Thank you for writing and sharing it with us on WDC. Keep writing.
I found this item listed on Power Reviewers April Raid Page for reviewing and I like reading the remakes and sequels of fairy-tales. The title, description and tags also looked promising.
Analysis:
Plot: Cinderella is going to marry Prince Charming, without having a clue of his character. She thinks her life is going to be great now with her step mother and step sisters at her mercy. But then her future husband's ex-wives gate crash the wedding and stop it in the most dramatic way possible. The story ends with Cinderella going back to her old style of life.
Characters: Cinderella and Charming are the main characters. The other Disney princesses, fairy godmothers, the mirror and the priest also play important roles.
Narration: The narration is smooth flowing and helps the reader to imagine the scene easily.
Clarifications:
I somewhat could not understand where the Mirror came from. Snow-white says the Prince stole it from her, while the Mirror thinks he was better off with that evil sorceress any day. So from whom did Charming take it from - the evil sorceress or Snow White?
What I liked:
I loved the way you have used show-and-tell to describe the characters and their quirks (like using the mirror to show us what kind of a person Charming is) and also the drama that ensues with the arrival of every princess. It easy to detest Charming and sympathize with Cinderella.
The story is hilarious, bordering on ridiculous but since it is supposed to be a satire, it is okay.
Overall thoughts:
This is a continuation of the famous fairy-tale, Cinderella and it presents the stark reality of the phrase 'Happily Ever After' which is how almost every fairy-tale ends, thus giving kids the wrong impression that marriage is always happy and rosy, despite whatever happened to lead to it.
I enjoyed reading this tale. Thank you for writing it and sharing it with us
This is a story about an old man with dementia who gets lost on his way home. It begins with the man doubting his certainty. as the plot moves on, you have shown the way the man thinks, feels and what he experiences at every moment. You have also indicated the rush of time as opposed to his pace in the part where He could feel the brush of air from bicyclists unseen
You also have shown the little details like the home address, the dosage of his medication and the token of love in his pocket. These are reminders, which are commonly kept for people with dementia.
At the end, he is hesitating at every house, wondering which of them was his, until he sees the b/w curbside, bringing fond thoughts of his wife.
There is hope in this tale. Despite his disorder, there is someone to care for him.
I didn't somehow get the title though. Yes it does suit a story about dementia but how does it go with this this particular one, was what confused me.
I liked reading this and I thank you for submitting it for "Invalid Item" I hope you can participate in the future rounds too.
This is an enjoyable poem which has nostalgia written all over it. I could visualise the various tasks and sights described here and it brought over a new kind of freshness. I can see how one's farm roots can pull him back time and again from the mundane life in city.
Thank you for submitting this for "Invalid Item" and I hope you participate in the future rounds too.
This is quite a visual description of how one's past, especially the childhood influences one's present. This is the recollection of a thief's past, of what circumstances lead him to become one.
Lack of control, lack of good guidance, violence, inability to voice opinion are a few themes I got, must have driven the person to be what he is.
Thank you for entering "Invalid Item" and I hope you can participate in the future rounds too.
Parents play a significant role in one's life as they are the ones who lay the foundation for our beliefs, attitudes, character and way of life. Unresolved issues with them tend to come out/get projected onto similar others in similar situations and, if we are not aware of it, we go with the flow and ruin our state of mind.
This is a very honest and analytical recounting of a childhood experience and I am glad that you decided to share it with us. You also have given the clear message in the end - The past does influence the present a lot. I would like to add something more to this - We need to learn from it, improve ourselves and let it go.
Thank you for submitting your piece for "Invalid Item" and I hope you can participate in the future rounds too
This is a well written piece about a boy with Schizophrenia. You have traced the disorder in him from its onset, making the readers see that he always had that quirkiness in him from his childhood to look at the world around him containing messages, diagrams, plots and symbols to decode and encode. Reading this story reminded me of the movie, The Beautiful Mind, where the main character is a brilliant mathematician involved in calculating and decoding symbols and locks which, according to him lead to a top secret spy organisation.
The protagonist in this story is aware that he is different from his peers and succumbed to the hallucination and delusions. He is no doubt a brilliant student of science, which might explain his eccentricity and disorder to the common people around him.
Thank you for writing this story and submitting it for "Invalid Item"
This is very good poem describing the onset of schizophrenia and how it overtakes the mind and body. You have written about the rational mind in the first two lines, which gives a kind of yardstick for us to understand how an individual is organised. But once the separation of thought, mind and choice occurs. everything goes downhill.
My favourite line is the concluding lines i.e. the last two lines. They say everything is not lost as long as one has faith and believes that the disorder can't touch one's soul.
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This is a very thrilling read and I enjoyed reading it. I liked the twist at the end. Its interesting to note that the man impersonating as doc has a polished language when he's in the role but when threatened, he takes on his original accent.
As for it's relation to the prompt, I could see an immense, overwhelming desire to take revenge, the aggression and to fulfill one's goal with whatever means possible.
Thank you for submitting your story for the "Invalid Item" and I hope you participaate in the future rounds too
Schizophrenia, in this piece, has been described in a unique way. I liked the way you have compared the constant flow of thoughts to cars and drivers.
You have spoken of the ever present shadows which keep whispering things and I interpret these as hallucinations.
You have also mentioned the medication and suicidal thoughts and ways of coping with the overload of sensory information and thoughts.
You have voiced the need for acceptance of people with schizophrenia in the society, and also support.
At first I could not understand why you have written the lines in varying alignments but then I felt maybe its a mirror on the fragmented minds of people.
Thank you for submitting this work for "Invalid Item" and I hope you can participate in the future rounds too. I enjoyed reading and deciphering this poem.
This is a poem highlighting the life of a war veteran. It is sad to see how much he loses due to the sacrifices he has made for the country. It is very unfair.
My favourite verses are:
The Purple Heart and Silver Star
mean nothing when you are hungry
and sleeping on park benches.
Thank you for entering "Invalid Item" . I liked reading this entry which describes the stark reality of war veterans with PTSD.
This is a very good depiction of depression and how it impacts the near and dear ones. Lovely has struggled a lot to help her father, and given her tender age, it made all the more difficult. The father was so devastated with his wife's death that he neglected himself and his daughter. But it was not his fault, though he felt miserable for not giving Lovely proper love and care. Lovely knows that and does not blame him or her mother. She simply accepts them and the situation and does her best.
You have also mentioned about a few causes of depression, like chemical imbalances in the brain and family history of illness, which I liked.
The story has a very positive outlook which gives a valuable message in the end. However, the flow of the plot did not seem smooth. Many a time, the focus shifted from the past to the present, with little indication. I had to re-read a few sentences again to understand how it's going. If you fix that, this story is going to be simply amazing
Thank you for entering the "Invalid Item" and I hope you participate in the future rounds too.
This is a review on the account of your WDC anniversary and also a part of "Invalid Item"
This is a lovely story of the romance genre.
You have described the woman's agony of losing her beloved. Their love story seems perfect until she talks about the trying times as parents and as husband and wife.
Its the last paragraph which I liked the best. You have used the prompt very well.
Thank you for writing and sharing this story with us
The tale is short and emotional. The opening paragraph sets the mood.
My thoughts:
This is a beautiful story where a man has to not only deal with the death of his fiancee but also stay away from the only person who connected him with her, that is is step daughter.
The emotions following the tragedy have been brought out very well. I could feel the sadness, the tension and frustrations of the protagonists.
What I also liked was the way you have portrayed the foreboding which little Magen feels when Ray is about to tell her the bad news. People, especially children, on a deeper level, somehow come to know if something grave has happened to their loved ones. This little aspect in the plot gives it a realistic edge.
The title is also apt. Left behind is a reference to Ray being left behind by both Sandra and her daughter.
Suggestions:
To make the piece look more neat to the eye, there has to be one line space between dialogues and between dialogues and paragraphs.
There are a few places where you are telling what's happening more than showing it. For example, the last line of the opening para.
Her daughter, Magen, who stood beside him innocently wondering why he was so sad, looked up at him.
The words she speaks next is quite enough to show the readers of her concern. Maybe, you can comment on how Ray felt when he looked at her face after she said so.
Final thoughts:
I enjoyed reading this story. You've done a great job on this. Thank you for writing this and sharing it with the community.
This is a simple and heart-touching poem. You have brought out the hardships and the desires of the family members. At first, it is as if the parents have to bear the entire burden of taking care of the family. But towards the end, its the kids who give a pleasant surprise for their mother. The children have developed this considerate nature by looking at their parents' ways.
I have no suggestions to give as I found it perfect.
Thank you for writing this beautiful poem and sharing it with us.
This is a very moving story about the devastating effect of suicide on the loved ones. You have brought out the emotions and the struggle of both Cat and Angel very well. Sometimes, how much ever we try to be there for the ones we care about, it's not possible to save them from the depths of their despair. So it is important to save ourselves.
I liked the ending too where Cat made sure that her best friend did not give up on life because of her. That's like a true friend.
Thanks for submitting your story for "Invalid Item" and I hope you participate in the future rounds too.
The poem starts with an introduction to the inner turmoil and darkness. The metaphor of nature is used to describe the struggle the individual is going through. Then there is the river which the person looks into and sees his/her own reflection. The water seems inviting, perhaps, to end life with all its troubles.
However, I was a little confused about the ending. I interpreted it as the person refrains from jumping into the water. I don't know if I'm right.
Thank you for submitting your poem for "Invalid Item" and I hope you do participate in the future rounds too
This is a tale of an old man, avenging the death of his beloved. The theme of depression is reflected in the actions of Miah and his wife. The wife chooses to kill herself in order to avoid the humiliation and shock, while Miah who is left alone to mourn the death of his wife and her sister, bides his time to settle score. He does not care whether he dies in the process but he wants to bring the wrongdoer policeman to justice of his own type.
This story has drama and suspense. We don't know what old Miah is up to and why until the end.
However, I found that the paragraphing needs a little finishing. At some places, the dialogues and description (paragraphs) do not have spacing between them.
This review is for participating in "Invalid Item" Thank you
This is a very expressive poem about what one goes through during depression. I liked the way you have used various metaphors to explain it. The deep and dark depths within, represented by tornadic winds, tears away at one's soul but the exterior is calm and composed in opposition.
The best part of the poem is its last stanza. It sums up the entire meaning.
This is a review for your entry for "Invalid Item"
My thoughts:
This is a beautiful poem. It is about the nostalgic memories of summer in one's hometown. Interestingly, the summer in the place where the poet is living reminds her of that in her hometown and she chooses not to move back but stay on.
The weather of the two places have been described as in how the weather of Las Vegas makes way for memories of the Oklahoma summer.
MY favourite lines are:
instead a frying eggs on the sidewalk
we can poach them.
Suggestions:
I found the phrase 'triple digit temperature' repetitive. It would be good if you can describe the temperature in different words. However this is my view.
Final thoughts:
I enjoyed reading this poem. Thank you for writing it and sharing it with us
I review this for your entry for the "Invalid Item"
This is a different kind of poem which highlights in a flash, the sudden onset of summer and its impact on life all around. But alas, for the poet, it is short lived and gives way to the depressing rainy season.
I liked your expressions connected to the seasons.
For Summer - The summer dresses, the weather reports, the fans and ice to beat the heat.
For Rains - The cold, the rain and thunder and the wind.
Thank you for writing and sharing this poem with us
This is a congratulatory review for making to the "Invalid Item"
This is a very informative article on the durian fruit. I have never heard of this fruit before and this piece has expanded my knowledge. A fruit smelling like gas on the outside but really sweet and soft on the inside. I can draw a parallel of this concept to humans too. There are people in the world, who can seem rough and gruff on the outside but have hearts of gold.
I liked the comic style of writing. You've given both the pros and cons of this fruit, and how it should and should not be eaten. The confusion of whether to accept or reject this fruit by individuals and social groups was the best part of it.
I found a small typo in the end of the following sentence -
so that the durians can be shared and relished by all its adoring fans while holding discussions with a durian breathe
The word 'breath' instead of 'breathe' would be better here.
I loved reading this article. Thanks for sharing a part of your culture with us. Keep writing and sharing
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