Hi Ken,
This is a review of your story "The Presentation"  in affiliation with the Rising Stars group.
 FIRST IMPRESSION
The overall impact of your story.
This lighthearted tale was a delight to read. I also love the concept of writing a story based on an image prompt. I'm going to have to try my hand at it sometime! I made some revision suggestions in this review, although I'm guessing that your story has already been submitted for the contest. So I'm probably a little late, but I'll include them since I would still want the input if it were me.
OPENING AND CLOSING LINES
How effectively did the opening line grab my attention? How skillfully did the closing line complete the story?
To be honest, I felt the opener was a bit sluggish. Once I got involved in the story I enjoyed following Meredith's antics, but the beginning felt like a heavy liftoff to me. I think it would be cool to drop us directly into her dream in the opening line. Then perhaps a sound from the real world invades the dream. For example maybe the boss stops in the middle of the announcement, turns to her, and launches into a rendition of 'The Way You Look Tonight'. Something outlandish like that. Then you could have her jolt awake to find her radio alarm has been going off for the last hour...which is how we learn it was just a dream. That's just one off-the-cuff idea for drawing the reader into the story more effectively.
As for the closing line, I would favor using the second to last line as the closer. As a reader I am more likely to smile at the humor without the "cue" of the character herself laughing. I think you'll garner more appreciation for your excellent sense of humor if you trust the reader to find the character's shenanigans laughable.
MECHANICS
Issues related to the nuts and bolts of the story. This includes formatting, spelling, grammar, and punctuation.
The grammar, spelling, and punctuation are pristine.
DIALOG
What was the quality of the dialog? Did it sound natural or stilted? Did it contribute to the story and move it forward?
The actual dialog sounded quite natural to me. However I notice you have a tendency to tell us how we should interpret the dialog ("she exclaimed", "she blurted", etc.). Similarly, when the character does something, you often follow this with an explanation of what the character was feeling at the time ("she said in total frustration", "setting her jaw in a determined manner", etc). This bogs down the story unnecessarily - readers are more perceptive than you think! Sure, you have to give clues via little details, but there's no need to shout.  So, I would recommend employing more subtlety in that area.
The other thing I noticed was that you were inconsistent in how you handled Meredith's self-dialog. Sometimes it was in italics. Other times in quotes. And a few times neither one. I'd suggest picking a method and sticking with it for the whole piece. This will really help with continuity.
PACING
Issues regarding the flow of your story.
The story kept a steady pace and transitioned very smoothly from one scene to the next. You secured my attention by introducing new obstacles throughout the story, so that I had to know if poor frenzied Meredith would manage to make it to work on time.
I also liked the vivid action verbs sprinkled throughout the piece. You avoided the "passive voice" trap that some authors fall into. This kept the story moving along at a nice clip.
PLOT
Was the plot compelling? Did it work? Were there missing elements? Was it creative or cliche?
I liked the plot, and I thought it fit the image you built the story around.
EXCEPTIONAL SECTIONS
The parts of your story that stood out to me.
"Sliding in, she pumped the pedal three times and turned the key. Rrrrrrr. Rrrrrrr. Rrrrrr. Nothing. She turned the key again. Click, click, click."
This was awesome! This brief section added huge auditory depth to the scene. It really jumped to life in my mind.
"It's a good thing you're compulsive, she thought, smiling. Her clothes were precisely laid out on the wing-back chair in the corner. She pulled on her blouse, to save time, as she half-sprinted to the bathroom. Turning the faucets on, she started brushing her hair as the water warmed. She grabbed her toothbrush and squeezed toothpaste out onto it. One, two, three... Oh the heck with it. Fifty strokes would have to wait. The thought of her breaking routine made her grin until the frothy mess spilled over onto her blouse. "Noooo," she sputtered, releasing another glob which fell, totally soaking her front."
This was a great comedic scene. I loved the hairbrush part. You showed us her personality in a way that was entertaining. You might leave out that first bit where she tells herself she is compulsive. You showed her compulsiveness beautifully with the rest of the paragraph.
PARTING THOUGHTS
There is so much to like about this story, Ken! Your writing has a vibrancy to it that really makes it a five-senses experience. I think there are some areas that could be tightened, and hope that you'll continue working on those things. You really have a lot of story-telling talent!
Sincerely,
Sarah
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