Interesting...
I'm not really a fan of romance so I was just looking at how you wrote more than anything else: the mood is well written you get their happiness, nervousness and confusion across well. Emotions are played out well aswell. Vocab could be improved (on the description parts) but thats about it.
Let me just start by saying that I wasn't sure if I would find this kind of writing appealing and after reading it I'm still not sure; however this quite good in the fact that it captures emotions well, however I have this nagging feeling that it would be better off as a short story. I liked your little descriptions between speech but the vocab could be imroved and a little imagery could be added, or improved.
Nevertheless good work.
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