I liked the poem. The one bad thing is that you tried to hard to make it rhyme ex: "what does he yields?". this line makes no sense because it's not supposed to be plural, but all in all it is a good poem and can be made better. I hope you can make it better because it's a good poem.
The poem its emotional, but is it really emotional. I can see the emotions, but I can't feel what you are writing if that helps. With what has happened I'm sorry for what happened. I hope you can get better and make it right. you should not be depressed. Fear is not really your fear. embrace it, and say that its in the past and I'm a new person.
As I started to read this I did not know what it was about. I had to re-read this whole thing twice to get what it was. You should not bottle up everything inside just because your wife left you. When she left you it meant that she did not love you, so why should you love her. Depression is not a thing you should go through, and you should go out and find someone that truly loves you. hope this helps.
When I was reading this it made me feel that I was listening to a speech. Everyone mainly wants peace, but in life can true peace ever be accomplished by what are standards are today. Where we have a war peace,judgment and, practically thinking really just go flying out the door and we don't look back at what is happening. I like how you want true peace, and everyone should. You should keep on writing to find what you love deep inside.
This poem can be better if you can make it flow all together. It's a good poem but the lines are so spaced out and there is no flow. The poem is good and if you can make it flow better it would be amazing.
shankx
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