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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/shanomo
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10 Public Reviews Given
189 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of What If  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi ther char, this is one excellent poem you have here.
I like how you went from the restarting life and into more despair ridden verses, it worked really well.
These lines
"That the multitude of
Errors were just too much to bear.
That even the hardest diamonds of
All could crack."
could be this for better flow, which also adds emphasis to that last line.
"That the multitude of errors
were just too much to bear.
That even the hardest of all diamonds
could crack."
You may also wish to not capitilize every line as it makes it seem unstructured within each verse, it seems most poets start off doing it all caps because I did not too long ago, then subconsciously stopped it for some reason... good subconcious, keep up the good work there =]
Other than those points, it twas an awesome poem and I enjoyed it muchly.
Keep writing and keep happy!
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Review of Break Free  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I decided to read some of your longer pieces, as usually I steer away from 1.5kb or larger, and I don't regret reading this one at all.
Metaphors came out perfectly.
Fav line: "They notice not the painted mimes
That cry in silent anguish"
Your friend
Shanomo
3
3
Review of Watching Ducks  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
That is the best haikau ive ever seen, loved that ironic ending!
4
4
Review of Wild Woman  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Excellent development, sounds kinda like a song as im sure one with good skills on a guitar could do a lil strumming bit while singing this. Anyway, the "wild woman" is well explained through out and creates good imagery in your head and conclusion leaves you thinking like a good conclusion should.
Not quite sure why "wild" was repeated twice in second stanza but im absitively sure you ahd some reason in mind =]
I only give 5 to those things that have a certain thing (I don't know what it is, id call it "zing" possibly?) going for them and this has got it, keep it up!
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