It isn't normally my cup of tea to read romances, although, I don't read very much. I probably write as much as I read. And most of it are fantasies, I felt I needed to keep reading. I felt for Mary, she kept strong, but is breaking down in the end. I can totally see that in real life, and also the cousin thing with royal blood owning the land. And the backstory was explained throughout and reminded the reader why Juliet was so upset... Not really with Mr. Green but the whole situation with debts to Oakhurst, and the only way to solve that is to make Mary court with Mr. Green. Wonder how Juliet is gonna mess it all up eh? To chapter 2.
It takes me a long time to read, but I just wanted to answer your question, at least reading the intro, I didn't feel character background wasn't rushed or anything, I understand Juliet is in the upper class in Britain,I'm from the U.S. so maybe I haven't caught on with certain things. I'll probably reread it and tell you my final thoughts when I get a chance. Also I sometimes can't figure out the website like replying with emails on my computer I can't seem to figure out. So if you write me, and you don't get an answer I probably didn't know how to reply and I have up.
I can relate a bit. For I was in a dark place as well. I used to be super religious, reading books about it, expelling demons for a friend on PlayStation. I was glad to help and give advice, but some things didn't fit the whole picture. Life just being a theme? A mission? I'm still trying to figure it out. And your poem opened a gateway to a lot of memories.
You definitely deserved that award. You have amazing writing talent! It does repeat a lot but that is a good tactful trait when the lines of crimson wreaths and hang my head and weep just roll off the tongue so well.
I wish you good luck on your story, share the first or few chapters to my email and I'll read it. Just wanted to let you know I'm interested on reading more.
I loved the scenic environment you explained, there was enough detail for me to visualize it in my head. Her mother sounded very preachy and mysterious like a spirit, I feel. Does Harrly worry she is interrupting when she speaks? I mean, I understand someone else is talking, but was she excited or just informing her dad, given she not "dared to break" silence. I know I may seem I'm nit-picking but I'm thinking if there is anything to improve to help me understand. There is a spell mistake in the sentence,"There was a quit yet calming" in the 9th paragraph. Were there witnesses when she fell? I don't believe there would be silence in the last paragraph, maybe a witness or a police officer came over for questioning or seeing if the girl was alright. A few suggestions, a little bit of work if you consider any of it. Now the story so far: It seemed the sudden events that had happened, the death of her mother, and her last words, Harrly wanting to accept those words, but the thought of magic and her original beliefs to be impossible to tell her dad anything. Her dad... in the beginning he seemed like a total unfavorable character, bringing even more trauma to Harrly. Suddenly feelings burst out... literally. We finally see her using her powers and the surprise she gets after doing it, not knowing how to keep her cool after what her father had done to her. A major touching moment happens when her father actually apologizes after being a horrible parent, and him revealing he ,too, knows magic. He even teaches her a couple of spells, even one he possibly didn't know what would happen, to the surprise that Harrly has spoken to her mother in another realm where her ancestors reside in until she pushed her out of the realm! Now the real question, will Harrly be able to explain what will happen and is dad a good guy?
Princeps copias intra...
Princeps copias intra....
Princeps copias intra..... Welp, I tried
Please... PLEASE have an open mind if I sound too harsh I had to reread the second paragraph a few times when the box went missing, I thought she opened it as a little girl, but it was gone. I figured it out when I read the third paragraph, so it's fine. I am also curious who the past enemies were? Maybe a brief description if Harrly asks who the enemies were. But that also means I am more intrigued towards the story. Nothing wrong with a bit of mystery, most importantly, Harrly chose to listen to her father and maybe she thinks it's best she doesn't know about them, maybe to protect her? I also wouldn't mind the magic words actually repeating, I feel it would be a nice touch of excitement. Show some sound effects maybe! POW CRASH. But that's just me. AND you got me with a hook, darnit all!
I purposely haven't read the next chapters so I don't get spoilers before I review. I'm not sure if you did this on purpose with Harrly's father, but either way it's pretty neat. Aawww, no rhyme with perfect? Help me reflect? You didn't expect? Am I a defect? IDK...
Man, Harrly's father sounds like a real jerk. I haven't read the next chapter yet, but I can see a ritual coming into play, possibly for Barbara or maybe her dad. She seemed fairly nice, despite Harrly's feelings towards her, and I love her assumption on her being dad's new girlfriend, how ironic when Harrly's dad assumed she was kissing boys despite her good intentions. Hear me out, I know Harrly is going through some tough times right now, but she has a lot in common with her dad, both spiteful to each other but live together, you know. Harrly's emotions reek with vengeance and so does her dad after he snapped, probably due to trauma. Even being the first chapter, it seems very tragic, and hope you can take my view of the chapter. I like it, not sure if you noticed, but you duplicated a sentence, not sure if that was intentional, but it says,"My face was eventually indulged..." that was repeated from the 7th paragraph. This chapter gave me a lot of feelings, and that makes it a good chapter.
Well said, very emotional in this poem. Anyone with an opposite gender shouldn't critique about people based off a God given characteristic no one can control, and shouldn't try to control someone elses gender "roles", which we should be more concerned on our human roles by helping another fellow human person.
Right now, I'm doing a drive-by of your stories and I will try to review them for free, with almost no experience in reviewing. I hope I'm helping. I am entrigued on where this is going. The kidnapping was a little comical (was expecting a little fight or scream, maybe you can add some more emotion in the next), just a small suggestion for the 4th paragraph: then he became infuriated,"I'm- trying to be nice little girl, now get in!" He insisted, kinking his head toward me, seeming desparate almost. "I should run." I kept thinking, but I was so scared, my feet wouldn't move, all I could do was scream! I held my breath and,"GET THAT LITTLE-" A dire shreak of terror left my lunges. As quick as a FLASH, the back door slidopen an another woman appeared...phew. It's just a suggestion. I can't wait to see more. I'm about to publish my very first draft on this site without editing it and you'll see I had some experience with this type of genre. Thank you for listening, I thought the rest was excellent!
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I had to reread the second paragraph a few times when the box went missing, I thought she opened it as a little girl, but it was gone. I figured it out when I read the third paragraph, so it's fine. I am also curious who the past enemies were? Maybe a brief description if Harrly asks who the enemies were. But that also means I am more intrigued towards the story. Nothing wrong with a bit of mystery, most importantly, Harrly chose to listen to her father and maybe she thinks it's best she doesn't know about them, maybe to protect her? I also wouldn't mind the magic words actually repeating, I feel it would be a nice touch of excitement. Show some sound effects maybe! POW CRASH. But that's just me. AND you got me with a hook, darnit all!
