This is a great piece, lots of neat sci-fi and fantasy elements combined with biblical literature elements makes for an interesting read in my opinion. Your work flows very well, it's descriptive and easy to read, the plot is very well developed on such a short canvass. This has definite novel potential, and if you do it, I'd love to read it.
Well written piece, we get a good chunk of this story in a very brief telling. This evokes emotion, which is a symptom of good story telling. I feel like I need more in this story though, not necessarily gory details, not necessarily more backstory building, but possibly more of the biographical impact of this childhood. To me, it seems like a poignant and cathartic opportunity for a novel. Good writing, and thanks!
Sleep! This makes me tired and reminds me of all-nighter projects in college. This is very descriptive and emotive. I like how while I read it wanders a little, sort of like a mind that hasn't slept in a healthy amount of time. You may have done this on purpose, or it may just be because you're tired, but it works. I also like your three questions answered by a 4th, which if it is an answer, it's probably no. This is good, thanks for writing it.
Great short story. Everything flowed very well, very readable structure and outline. The story itself was very well developed, and as a reader I was engaged from beginning to end. I'm frustrated by the ending, which was your intent I'm sure. Now I'll have to re-read and try and interpret the N-1-2 note in the statue. I enjoy a story that makes me think when I'm done.
The only thing that bothered me was Tommy's name. For me it's too vanilla for some reason and every time I read it I felt like my eyes would roll a little. This isn't a criticism of your piece, it's more a criticism of my strange tastes. I would have tried for a name with an obscure reference to some biblical demon or literary vengeance character. Again, my wierdness not yours.
Excellent. Your action sequences are extremely well put together and flow easily instead of requiring the reader to look away to piece things together. This is a trap I think many fall into and you avoid, engaging readers and holding them until the end. The indifferent "lost cause" motif vs the raging righteous vigilante defending human helplessness from human evil is an interesting internal conflict, I'd love to see more of it fleshed out. Great piece! Potential for an engaging book!
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