Just a quick note. I was enthralled with your story. You have handled the conversational aspects effortlessly and with style. Your descriptions are detailed and evoke the images easily. You have created a world of potential and I hope you will continue it further.
you have written a straight forward, simple and descriptive style of poem with an amusing twist at the end. It rhymes well. Your imagery is good and the flow is quite natural. Well done and keep it up.
What a powerful set of images you have put together! You have visually and graphically shown some battle scenes which flow together beautifully. It leaves me asking for more. I want to know more about this character. You have given he/she no name and very little description. Is this the end, or just the beginning? What ever, please continue. GREAT WRITING.
Let me just say, that you have a wonderful writing style. Your imagery is very good and your tongue in cheek, smart alec wizard is a joy to read. Your dialogue captures his character beautifully. I will definitely keep an eye out for more of his adventures. Well done.
I'll get the correction out of the way first; 'I hear begin wailing'. Needs a minor change. As for the rest of the story....... very well written. You have a beautiful style with description and very good with conversation. It flows beautifully. The only problem I have found is that you have left me up in the air. What happens next???
What a great read. I hope there is more, before and after. You have done a brilliant job of portraying a man with a mission. A man who will complete it come "hell or high water". You built in the tension right up to the last moment. Will he or won't he make the shot? Well written and I hope there's more.
Just want to say how much I enjoyed your story. It has a nice steady rhythm and flow to it, which makes it very entertaining. Your main character is well equipped with tricks and magics and you've written it so that everything that happens and is to happen is sewn together neatly. Very well crafted.
Congratulations on writing a brilliant spine chiller. Your characters are all well fleshed out and easily imagined. Emotionally charged piece with all hoping that Mary can be saved and the dastardly husband will get his just desserts. But as in real life, not everything is as it should be. Well done. keep writing.
I have just came across your story. Firstly, I am disappointed that this appears to be only your introduction. Secondly, I think you have done a wonderful job!
Your use of description is very good. The atmosphere you have created is wonderful and scenes are easy to envision.
Please write more!!!
Hi Richforce,
Let me compliment you on an enjoyable and entertaining read. The characters are all well drawn and fleshed out. Misinterpretation in the situation that you have presented can be very funny if it is done well and you have. Ben your marvellous mechanical man plays the straight man beautifully. The only fault I can see is that you have cast one of your characters with two names. Miller or Mitchell?Keep on writing.
Regards
Shalyn
Hi Joe 45,
This is a beautiful piece of work. You have managed to pack in a great deal. Your descriptions of all the characters and the set up of scenes were very well handled. I found only one very small problem and that was your use of the plural for Adonis. In one instance you use "Adonises" and in another "Adonii". I have no idea which would be correct. I love the character of Bex Hart and I'm sure she would lend herself to further stories. Alverta, I'm sure could also "dish out" some further insights into the running of the Hart Finder Agency. Good luck with your book release.
Regards
Shawlyn
Hi Christian,
I really enjoyed your story. The characters of Dana and Odin were very well written as was there interaction. Your flashbacks provided a good grounding and back story. Your use of conversation made it very dynamic and intimate for the reader. Your description and action scenes flowed together flawlessly. The ending was very appropriate for the story, but I must admit I enjoyed the characters so much that I would have loved for them and the story to continue further. I will definitely be looking forward to reading more in this series you are planning.
Regards Shawlyn
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