As dark clouds were forming overhead; outside of East Ayrshire, Scotland there was going to be a Shinicle. At Shinny Hill a bonfire was lit to signal a hanging on Halloween. It was medieval times, and crimes were punishable through death by hanging at the gallows on a hill near a castle.
You want flash to be as tight as possible using only words that propel the story forward...that said, I think you can tighten the beginning...Just outside of east Ayrshire, Scotland, dark clouds formed. On Shinny Hill, a bonfire roared to signal the Shinicle. A hanging on Halloween. I think something similar to this will jump the reader into the story fast and furious. You don't need to explain the punishable by death part as the hanging itself shows that.
Your strong suit....setting. You described the setting so well and made it so creepy!
Some revision needed....I think you can tighten in spots and delete anything that doesn't move the story forward.
Well done, this was pleasure to read.
Have you checked out Woman on Writing? It is an online writing information site that offers a quarterly flash fiction contest.
Best regards,
Shelley
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/shelley3b
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 2:31pm on Dec 31, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
