As dark clouds were forming overhead; outside of East Ayrshire, Scotland there was going to be a Shinicle. At Shinny Hill a bonfire was lit to signal a hanging on Halloween. It was medieval times, and crimes were punishable through death by hanging at the gallows on a hill near a castle.
You want flash to be as tight as possible using only words that propel the story forward...that said, I think you can tighten the beginning...Just outside of east Ayrshire, Scotland, dark clouds formed. On Shinny Hill, a bonfire roared to signal the Shinicle. A hanging on Halloween. I think something similar to this will jump the reader into the story fast and furious. You don't need to explain the punishable by death part as the hanging itself shows that.
Your strong suit....setting. You described the setting so well and made it so creepy!
Some revision needed....I think you can tighten in spots and delete anything that doesn't move the story forward.
Well done, this was pleasure to read.
Have you checked out Woman on Writing? It is an online writing information site that offers a quarterly flash fiction contest.
Best regards,
Shelley
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