I like the premise of the story and the ending caught me off guard. I liked the twist but it was a little bumpy getting there.
Your single paragraph writing is kind of confusing, like reading a wall of text. Not saying this to be mean. More experienced and talented people than me use multiple paragraphs.
There was little characterization. I think the story would've benefited from having the character actually remember stuff from his past instead of having you, the author say that he did.
Also we know very little about the character besides the fact that he tends to be late.
I personally think the final scene would've benefited from a description of the people mourning. Friends and family, how they reacted individually. It would've told us a lot about the character and I think would've added t the shock value.
Overall I liked the premise, but I think it would've largely benefited from some characterization.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.06 seconds at 10:52pm on Dec 22, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "