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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sihaya48
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14 Public Reviews Given
16 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Sihaya Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
WOW!

The only thing I could think while I was reading your poem was "What on earth would possess someone to do this to themself?" I know I would have gone mad.

You did a great job telling a remarkably coherent story with such an overwhelming self-imposed limitation.

I'm sorry to say it, because I know it's no help, but I honestly see no room for improvement. It is at the same time bewildering and absolutely hilarious. On top of that, you even manged to make it rhyme! I am in awe.

Great Job!

Sihaya
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2
Review by Sihaya Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I love this! It is so vivid and rich and then at the end *boom* you surprise us by showing the downside of flowers as a sign of affection.

I like the message of the poem and I like the words you use that force the reader to go very slowly.

The only part that tripped me up was having rosebud on two different lines. But I suppose it was necessary to stay true to the form.

Excellent job; good luck!

Sihaya
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Review of Fallacy  Open in new Window.
Review by Sihaya Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Bix,

I really enjoyed this story. You did an excellent job of characterization. The plot was beautifully crafted. I was extremely surprised, and even disappointed, when Kiyrown died. The twist ending worked amazingly for me. I never suspected it.

You kept me interested in the story the whole time. I even caught myself, more than once, with my hand over my mouth and my eyes bulging. Excellent job of describing everything.

You also did a great job of changing perspectives and letting the reader see events from a number of different perspectives without confusing them. I barely noticed these transistions between points of view because they were so seamless.

I also enjoyed the "quote" at the beginning. It gave some background without taking away from the story.

A couple of suggestions:
The crowed mimicked his nervous titer.
titer should be titter

the slim Performers shoulder
Performers should be Performer's

One more nights performance
nights should be night's

I am concerned this nights show may not be...
nights should be night's

This is definitely a five-star piece once those few small points are addressed.

You have crafted a gripping, touching, and poignant story. I love it!

Sihaya
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