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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/simonajane
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19 Public Reviews Given
19 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Weekly Goals  Open in new Window.
Review by Simona Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)


This was my goal, to try and get away from poetry and do a fiction piece - accomplished by friday but n finished…
Let me know if it makes you want more and what else you find that can be improved *Wink*

Title - ENEMY LIGHTS

The sound of noisy birds flying in the sky, at high sight vivid green trees surrounding waterfalls, strong stream falling into the river. Rivers color is thick, from red blood — it sits, silent and still… standing under the falling flow, a naked woman with long black hair that covers her breasts. Crystal clear fresh force gushes down the rocks on her body, but her feet in the blood river… the daylight starts to diminish, a cold wind blowing…the naked woman starts to hum a rhythmic melody in a high pitch tone. The sound is comforting she points ahead, three small balls of light from across the river glide slowly closer to the woman. The naked woman - still is pointing, humming. The woman suddenly disappears. Were did she go? The boy is wondering while he still hides in the trees across the river. He is trembling in fear he can’t move, he is frozen! He suddenly feels a strong grip holding him tight and a cold hand covering his mouth. He tried to scream, make a sound, nothing was coming out… he is numb with fear!

“SHHHHHHHHHH, Don’t make a sound, don’t… they will get you if you do” The sound of a woman’s voice whispering into his ear. Her wet cold body slowly turns him to face her, ”Follow me, your kind must survive” She takes her hand slowly off the boys mouth and he slowly opens his eyes to see her. She smiles at him, her eyes gentle and warm.

“Who are you?” the boy asks

“ I am part of you” She reply’s
The boy looks at her,
“Part of me? What do you mean?”

The woman holds his hand and starts to lead the way into the forest.

“ I know you even from before you were born,”
She touches his face,
“ We knew you where coming, even from before your mum was born… we are the Protos”

As they walk forth, the boy looks behind, water was raising up behind them, but, where did it come from? Its like an Ocean… It is sheltering them from site.

“Oh the water “ shouts the boy!
SHHHHH, it is part of us don’t fear it, you have much to learn…

She walked so gracefully, an aura of strength about her the boy thought, like women warriors he had seen in films…Yet, she was almost gliding across, her feet made no sound on the ground she tread on, twigs and dry crispy leaves made no crunch as her bare feet step on them. She’s tall, slender and has sharp mannerisms, yet was naked thought the boy… no weapons, swords, bow or arrows…how would she fight? If needed to… the boy looked at her. Still, he felt somehow strangely at ease.

She looked at him, “ Weapons don’t solve they create. If something comes to our path, you will be safe…that I can guarantee you!” she says looking at the boy.

“What? I don’t understand” the boy looks puzzled and frowns.

She strokes his head, “ you were thinking I have no weapons”

The boy stops still, “You can read my mind?” he says in a low tone voice, his lips hardly moving!

She kneels down “Yes, I can.” She picks him up, “Now, put your arms around me, hold me tight and close your eyes, no questions. We shall regain this conversation at a later time. I give you, JI VA lA’s word in life”

What is JI VA LA? Asks the boy,

“My name,” She says with a smile. She places his feet around her waist and covers him with her long hair, she embraces him tightly as she walks forth. Tall mountain rocks standing tall in front of her, she sings in that high pitch voice, the rocks go from dark grey to light brown... holding the boy she walks straight into the rocks as if it were liquid. They disappear.

TOBE CONTINUED
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Review by Simona Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello,
Please except my apologies if this is not the style of review you are asking for. I am new to this and still to read all the tips on WDC, how to review.

What I got from the poem:

Beautiful poem,
The narrator is telling the lover he/she is not good for them, that he/she is gloom and destructive, as their love for him/her will be the distraction of their heart and soul, as he/she is a disease in their own eyes that only unhappiness of the soul can come out of blinded love they hold!


Realy enjoyed your piece *Wink*

Simona


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
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Review of The Lost Kingdom  Open in new Window.
Review by Simona Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Powerful words, It takes me back in time, to a mediaeval time, where Kingdoms ruled and evil lurked to set home…White night rode in and Goodness always triumphs!

You got my imagination going *Wink*

Simona
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Review of Poem I  Open in new Window.
Review by Simona Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)

As I read, I am taken back in time to a place with passion, honor, and romance. To me it reads as if you feel less worthy, lower than low in a dark place. The things that you mention "birds.music,sun,moon" all that you see value and beauty in, you wish away from you…as if you are not worthy… You capture the mood, feel and essence, in a short poem, you say so much with so little..

I really enjoyed it…Thank you for letting me read it.

Simona
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Review of For the Forgotten  Open in new Window.
Review by Simona Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
It comes across sad to me, it reads to me like a loss of hope and walking down a road alone.
Yet, you describe all the feelings in a person "we love and we loath, we lough and we cry,we give and we take"
All these feelings hidden, and carried alone on once shoulder… you offer yourself to the suffering souls..Christ like..

This is what I get from your poem, touching, thought provoking.

Thank you for letting me read it.

Simona




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Review of The Sound  Open in new Window.
Review by Simona Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

As I started the story, it was a young mans transition from student, to responsibilities,contracts, and why we should pay attention to detail (In the contract) I like the way you describe the land lady "Ms Taylor" She comes across negative, cautious and doesn't really listen to anything he says. As the story moves on, I thought is the house new place haunted? at the end of the story, to me, it seems he might be haunted..

Hope my feedback is some kind of help or light to you, if it serves you at all.

Simona
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Review of Unknown Lady  Open in new Window.
Review by Simona Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (3.0)

Beautify you describe the woman, in so many different stages of her life
How each time he sees her, she is still beautiful in his eyes. He admires her, even when he cant have her, yet a pure distant love, watches her every detail, from sparkling jewelry to dresses and shoes..

A smile on my face*Wink*
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Review by Simona Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)

I am a new writer, I wrote endlessly in my mind, but on paper and to share openly, well, this is new to me. For this, I can only say what I get from your story, me, a mere mortal who loves romance and chocolates, flowers, and all that Valentines represents etc etc..and yes, I am that girl who gets so upset if, on that day, Valentine's Day, I get nothing. You give a great description of the marketing angle, and a great essence, in how foolish and ship like we flock to the shops on the day in question..Valentines Day is any day your heart tells you it is, not the day media says it is, right? What I get from your story is, it should be the small things that count, intimacy, a touch on the face, a warm embrace, a kiss in the rain, this shows love when loves comes for no reason, at any given season and, not because the day says, its the day of love..

This is the message I get from your story, I enjoyed it and the pain/disappointment that spilled out from the word's expressed, I felt.
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