Hello Joshiahis  .
This is a review of "A Wasted Life"  [18+] which was found on the crime genre listing page.
NOTE: The following review is simply my opinion and should be taken with a grain of salt.
My Favorite Part
I liked that although the crops were a bit crooked, they were still good guys. They risked a lot to save the girl, including the money from the drugs. I think that that helped make this piece same real. Everyone is a bit flawed, even the good people, and I think you really captured that in this piece. Good job.
Odds And Ends
Rating: You rated this 18+, which was appropriate.
Title: I liked the title. It worked on several difference levels.
Description: The description fits, but I'm not sure it captures what the story is really about.
Corrections
 He was the fat white guy in his forties, through he looked closer to fifty, chasing a couple of twenty year old bangers who had a pretty big lead.
"through" should be "though"
One and a half million Latino's in Los Angeles and he never took the time to learn the learn the language.
Take out "the learn". Also, Latinos shouldn't be possessive.
Ernie hopped in the detectives chased down the blue vehicle.
I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say here. Perhaps but an "and" between "in" and "then"?
He looked into Trey Dog's eyes for moment, letting his stare intimidate the kid, and said, "Ernie was the good cop. Now it's my turn."
Add "a" between "for" and "moment".
Broward pickup the broken shaft and showed it, broken end up, to Trey Dog. "Start talking meat, or we stick this where the sun don't shine."
"pickup" should be "picked up".
The walked across the street, calm and relaxed.
"The" should be "They".
"Well," a deep voice said from behind a navy blue Taurus with it's engine gutted, "if it aint my favorite cop on the take."
"it's" should be "its".
Both men removed the magazine's and ejected the loaded round before throwing the guns at the cops.
"magazine's" should be "magazines".
Suggestions
Broward again contemplated about just shaving his head but he shook his head at that.
I think placing about after contemplated makes this a bit wordy. Perhaps simply remove? Also, the double use of "head" here is a little too much in one sentence. Perhaps find a way to revise it so that the word doesn't appear twice in the sentence?
Review
Characters
I really enjoyed your characterization in this piece. I liked that the cops were human, and that they had a dark streak... which was mixed nicely with their good side. You did a good job showing both these sides, and I think that it worked out nicely.
Your characterization of Trey Dog was a little underdeveloped, I think. It seems that you used a bit of ganster stereotyping with him, and I think that if you made him more realistic, it might help your story a bit. Perhaps give him more of a personality, than just your typical dumb gangster.
Scarface was an interesting character, and I think that you gave him real life. You gave him a bit of a backstory, that is sort of "non-gangster", and I liked that. It made him unique.
Rating:  
Plot
I think that the plot of this story was pretty interesting. It definitely held my attention!
What seems like a simple crime story really turns out to be a story about redemption, in a way. I liked that you added a few different elements to the plot, and really filled this short story with as much stuff as you could. Nice job.
Cops on the take is a plot that has been done over and over again, but I think that you added enough interesting elements to keep it fresh. Nicely done.
Rating:
Story Scenes
I think my favorite story scene was the one in the beginning, while he is looking in the mirror. I think that you used that to really get a feeling for Broward, and it worked.
The pacing of this story was pretty good, and I felt that you moved from one scene to the next quite effortlessly. I wasn't at all confused as to what was going on.
You gave a lot of backstory and mixed it in with the plot quite well. This really helped the story scenes unfold.
Rating:
Structure
You had a few grammar errors in this piece. I think that if you go back and reread the story a few times, you may be able to pick out some more.
Your sentence structure was good, and I thought the story "flowed" nicely. For the most part, you avoided run-on sentences, at the same time, keeping the story from seeming choppy.
Your paragraph structure was good, and you followed paragraph rules correctly.
Rating:
Beginning
The beginning of this story was nicely done. I really got a feeling for Broward, and I think that you used this space nicely to set up the story. We went right from the characterization of Broward into the action of the story, and I think this was good. It didn't leave any "empty space" for the reader to lose interest.
Rating:
Ending
I liked the ending. A lot. In a way, Broward was redeemed for all his crooked dealings. In was sort of poetic justice that he basically died for trying to save this child. If he hadn't confronted Trey Dog, he would still be alive. Nicely done.
Rating:
Style
I liked the style of this piece. It comes off as a nice action/crime story, and I think you did great with the pacing... which is the most important aspect of one of these stories.
I think that if you added a little bit to the scenery, that your story may benefit from it. The settings didn't quite seem real, and I think that some further images might correct this problem. It's like you have a lot of great action happening in a black and white world. Bring it to life! 
Rating:
Dialogue
You used dialogue tags properly.
I think that the dialogue in this story was realistic and that it added a lot to it. You used dialogue (especially internal dialogue) to let the story unfold, which really gave it more dimensions. Good job.
Rating:
Overall Feelings
I really enjoyed this story. It wasn't cliche, and you really brought it to life. You had a few typos/grammar errors in this piece. I think that it may help the story to edit it a bit. Sometimes these errors can really throw the reader out of the story, which is never good.
You had good characterization, and I really enjoyed the ending of this story.
Overall, you did a pretty nice job.
Good job and good luck in the contest!
Overall Rating: Avg rating=3.72 rounded=
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