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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sinaz
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2 Public Reviews Given
5 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Feast of the Moon  Open in new Window.
Review by sinaz Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Kippeake,
Oooh, spooky. Just a bit of housekeeping first:
"It roared upward(,)sending showers of hot embers..."
Do not repeat the word 'embers' in the next sentence, reword.
I like the hands reaching hungrily, and also the "Give us a tale, stranger," sentence. I also like the last paragraph of this intro, altho' the word "weird" didn't seem to fit. Eerie, perhaps, and drop the "resounding"?
Looking forward to more.
Sinaz
2
2
Review of Ch.2 The Oracle  Open in new Window.
Review by sinaz Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Lucifer is a strong character and I like the fact that you introduce him as a strong, dominant character initially, but show a caring side later. Good development.
I would suggest you go through this entire chapter and tighten it up, eliminating all of the 'qualifier' adjectives (example: almost, quite a while, kind of, perhaps, finally, etc.) These detract from the story.
Sinaz
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