Sir Mirom's (sirmirom) Reviews

Sir Mirom

Review Requests: OFF

12 Public Reviews Given

31 Total Reviews Given

1

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#965143

Review of Sara's Port, Ch. 19

Review by Sir Mirom

Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)

Oh, I'm just filled with delight that this is getting finished!! They are such endearing characters, human but adorable. If Oliver doesn't tell the WHOLE truth soon, tho, I'm coming after him with a baseball bat.

Can't wait for the rest!! Thank you, THANK YOU!!

-Miriam

2

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14 days may be credited.

#811064

Review of Answered Prayers

Review by Sir Mirom

Rated: E

| (4.5)

(reviewed from "Invalid Item"

)
Oh hurray! Very much fun indeed!

The format was a little hard for me - I don't like poetry much on the whole, and I couple times you had to force the rhyme scheme (or so it seemed to my prose-loving eyes). But it's very sweet, and effective in it's format.

Liked it a lot - write on!

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3

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#781559

Review of The History Assignment

Review by Sir Mirom

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

This is really fun - although I wish you would keep going and going and going...

I was going to ask about several phrases and spellings until the lightbulb turned on over my head and I realized you're not American! In that case they're all fine

.

If you do want to extend it and keep going, then you might start with more background, more information about the foster parents, and I would love to know how old the main character is. She could be anywhere from 11 to 17 as far as I can tell - it makes a difference!

Great beginning - do go on!

-Miriam

4

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#737823

Review of Sure Shot

Review by Sir Mirom

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Wow. I'm honored you asked me to review this, and I ache for you.

I won't pretend to have an amazing grasp of critiquing poetry, but this is very stark, VERY vivid.

If you want to get into technicals, you may want to think about the punctuation. Many poets specifically use it - some specifically don't. Here it's very helpful and poigniant in the "listen" line (the use of colon is great). But I don't know how I feel about the periods at the end of the two last lines, certainly the second-to-last line. I'm not saying change it, just be sure that they are deliberate.

Just one other thing - the phrase 'trembling trigger' is wonderfully alliterative - but does a trigger tremble? It kind of moves harshy, decisively, quickly - trembling connotes hesitation.

But feel free to completely disregard the above. Poetry, especially that which comes directly from the heart and reality (as in your case) can only be parsed down into grammar and vocabulary so much. If this is how you felt - if you transmitted the way you felt into words truly - then that is "good" poetry.

I hope you are comforted.