Excellent piece! Sorry I didn't write sooner, but read this yesterday and again today. Thoroughly enjoyable, with just the right amount of history to create a wonderfully vivid setting and very real, believable characters. My only complaint would be that it is short. It would make a marvelous longer story, I think. Well done! Enjoyed every word.
Great bit, Jackrebs! Hello, I'm SisterCrow, reviewing up s storm, though I've only been posting a month. I found your piece on a random search and I am very glad I did-- and now of course must have a look at your portfolio to see what else came of the incident. To be honest I think she lost your number, but that's just my take. Love your easy style and enjoyed this very much! Thanks for posting.
Hello Cara Beatrice! I'm SisterCrow, new to posting on the site and getting into reviewing. Spotted your poem on a random search and wanted to tell you it was a perfect little celebration of the season. You have managed to paint a clear image with just the right amount of words, and I enjoyed it. Well done!
Hello! I happened on this piece in a random review and have to say I absolutely love it! It's perfect, like a friendship should be (but sometimes isn't!). There's just the right amount of description to make this scene so comfortably familiar-- and it flows so naturally, it's really excellent. I don't read everything that pops up when I scroll through but this caught my attention and held it. Thanks so much for sharing not only your writing but a piece of your life!
Hi! SisterCrow here, flexing some random review muscles. Great piece here! And I love the story which is told well and really tight in so few words. Perfect length actually, although could make a great longer piece if you cared to expand. Yes, I am a fan of creepy stuff and this was delicious. Wonderful image of 'carnage' with something so docile and pleasant as a carousel! Great job!
Hello! You are my first choice for a random read this evening and I'm glad I found it. I want to tell you, beside being a clever acrostic piece, this was thoroughly enjoyable. (one rarely says that for the witch trials!) Great narration, brilliant story and excellent on the whole. Thanks for sharing your work!
Excellent. I enjoyed reading this simple piece very much! Whether or not you intended it to touch others, well, it hit me because it seems vary familiar to my life or at least a way I think at times. Definitely inspirational and I'm a fan! Thanks for sharing your work-- keep writing!
Enjoyed this! And expect this is part of a larger work that is bound for publishing? I came on it for a random read and hope you don't mind if I suggest some spelling corrections?
"not a grime or gravely tone," I think you meant grim?
"leaning her foreman against...", pretty sure you meant forearm!
"Words betray your nature, use them sparingly" inner thought? maybe italicize?
"mouth, the closes it." then closes? followed by
"smiles" which should be smile?
approached instead of "adjusting as he approaching",
"one of its exceptionally large ear" should be ears.
You have grabbed the attention and drafted some interesting characters, and the reader is naturally curious where it all goes. Well done and again I hope you don't mind the spelling comments.
Many thanks for posting this wonderfully inspiring piece. I don't know where you are located, but there is no doubt that no place is too far from the ear's of God that prayer cannot be heard. We were in Sandy's direct path and while many neighbors lost trees and had damaged homes, I feel prayer was what spared us. Not a thing to critique here; it is a positive and hopeful piece and I enjoyed reading it!
and now I'm too hungry to write a review! Thank you for posting this perfect memory of a perfect holiday! Always a special time of year, and you paint an excellent picture with some delicious words. I am not a poet myself and not acquainted with all the different styles, but I do enjoy reading it, and I definitely enjoyed this/ Thank you again for sharing your work!
Thank you for posting this piece. Despite the fact that the world seems to be ending, and that we are assailed by storms from every side, it is definitely a very inspiring and uplifting. It reads well and flows as simply and naturally as the lyrics of a song, and though things mortal may crumble and fade, love lasts and carries us safely through. Well done!
I enjoyed this very sweet little piece! I found it a pleasant easy read, told in simple words in the voice of a child. You have hit the mark and painted a cheerful bright picture that even an adult can enjoy if not remember. I confess that I am no expert in poetry, but as the cliche' tells us, I know what I like! I was not sure of the rhythm in a few places but chalk that up to the above statement. Excellent work! Started my day with a smile!
Love it! A news item is a great idea for a post, and especially a steampunk one. Was this for a contest? It would have won with high marks! Great natural flow and terrific introduction to a larger tale-- or at least to be included in one. Will have to look deeper into your portfolio to get a better look. Thanks for posting this-- great inspiration for writing more in this genre.
I just had to look at more of your work. Have you submitted this to a magazine or other publication? Nicely positive and uplifting, and I think you should publish this. People need to be reminded of life's simple rules, no matter who they are! This makes me happy and I'm glad you posted it! Be well-- and WRITE!
This is a very sweet piece and pretty much says it all. I am admittedly not a poet and don't know about different poetry styles, but I can tell you I will read any poem if the subject and content appeal to me-- and this one certainly does. Perfect for any age, really, because sometimes we 'oldies' need reminding as well. Only one possible correction that I can see-- perhaps there's an extra 'you' in the second line? It does not read right to me. I hope you continue to post-- write, write, write! Thanks for sharing your work!
Thank you for sharing this lovely piece. I enjoyed this for the simple readable words, defining an often confusing emotion that until now many likely considered undefinable. I have never been able to put love in such clear terms, and you have done a wonderful job! I hope you keep writing!
Wow. This is a very heavy piece, tortured and vividly described. It was painful to read and very depressing for the reality it presented, which makes it a very interesting and good piece, in my opinion. Could use a few spaces between some sentences and after punctuation in a few spots, but otherwise a pretty moving piece. And I imagine a bit difficult -- emotionally-- to write. Thanks for sharing your work.
Ah! Squirrels in the attic seem to run in my family. Thoroughly enjoyed this little piece, fun to read and all prompt words as necessary, kudos! I'm a dialogue freak and love it when realistic. Totally believable in this case and well done! Thanks for sharing!
This is adorable! (and for some reason I see a little cutie with white paws...)Nicely done, though the pace threw me off once or twice. An excellent little 'homage' to a very important addition to the family! Being and pet lover and mom to s few kitties, this definitely made an impression-- very sweet and put a smile in my day! Thanks for sharing!
Thank you for sharing this! It's a wonderfully sweet and heartfelt sentiment. Not a puzzle of course but I love word games and wordplay, and this qualifies nicely. A lovely little Valentine for every day of the year. I would say without reservation that you are one lucky person-- and so is he! Please keep writing and thanks again!
Wow, yes, this is great stuff! Just finished reviewing part the second and I like this theme, or whatever it might be called. Again, great visuals though it might be gruesome in one bit! Suggestion for a minor word change-- but please understand it's only my opinion-- I have a 'thing' with my own writing about using the same word too often. "The fire lapped it's waves of fire at her." Maybe waves of flame? As mentioned, just a suggestion, because of my own personal preferences and they may not be yours!
Thanks for sharing your work and hope to see more!
Hello! I'm SisterCrow, not all that new to WDC, but just starting to post and review. Decided I need to find part one, but wanted to review this first. Enjoyed it on many levels, as it's intriguing and piqued my interest right off. Very nice visuals, not a word wasted! One minor correction, a typo, second paragraph, second line, "Her breath shorter, she lifted her hands to hear head," and I think you intended 'her head'.
Off to see if I can find part 1! Thanks for posting this and keep up the good work!
Brava! I am new to this site and flash fiction, but no matter-- had to write and tell you this is an awesome little piece. Enjoyed it very much and could see it stretched out into something closer to novella. Do you have plans to expand on it? Flows very nicely, with a sure voice and the hopefulness of classic folk-lore. Well done-- write on!
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