I liked the recurrence of the single line. I felt the repetition suited the poem well, giving it the cadence to which the title of the pieces alludes. The word "little" is misspelled in the 5th stanza, but perhaps that is the "haggard error" you mention in the following line. You might consider seperating the taps mentioned at the start of the 12th stanza by hyphens or ellipses. It might slow the pace of the poem a bit. Well done!
I like how the poem becomes more weighty as I made my way through it. The language in the first few stanzas is short and rather carefree. I think this works well to reflect the innocence that comes with those early years in a person's life. I really like the "no sense of gravity" line. You do a nice job of transitioning to the deeper stuff. The line. "I study hate; picking daisies on our lawn." is one that jumps out at me during the that transition. In fact, I think that line would be great for the focus of an entirely different poem. The use of questions in the last few stanzas is an effective way to show reflection as the years pass. Well done.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/slapshot
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 5:03pm on Nov 24, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
