Wonderfully descriptive. I was able to put myself in the story and watch it in my minds eye as the story and the girl unfolded. Also this was executed very well with only one or two grammatical mistakes, these always happen. Keep up the good work, maybe next time steer away from redundancy though. In ex. "she wiped away the white and black powder that had covered her fair skin. She removed the black paint off her thin lips that are no longer graced with a smile, but a small frown. Her hands became stained with the black and white paint and powder. She wiped her hands over her small stomach and smeared the powder and paint all over her black and red checkerboard suit." Paint and powder where used too often. Just my opinion though.
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| (3.5)
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