Very good. I like the way you set this up. At first I thought it was about someone imprisoned in a room, and it was but not in the way I expected it. The timing was well paced and the descriptions were very vivid.
I've answered polls like this before. I noticed that most people answered the way I did; it depends on who I'm with and where I am. However, I did noticed, as well, that a close second was being shrunk unconditionally. That suggest 1. human beings are somewhat social creatures and they would want someone with them if something that dramatic happened. 2. Human beings, also, are fascinated by size change.
An excellent story my friend. I'm a railfan myself so the story appealed to me right away. On a technical side, the grammar was excellent. The different "scenes" between Kyle, Laura, Steve and Rachel and the engineers in the locomotive were very smooth. The entire story was very moving. The interaction between the older couple and Laura was very well done. Laura's story was heartbreaking yet it didn't get too overly maudlin. It had the right balance of sentimentality and realism. Any story can have a weakness, but as far as I could tell, this was pretty flawless. The ending with Kyle being the "engineer" is every railfans dream!
Terrific analysis. I've been pretty annoyed by this type of "screen" they've used for quite a while. If I remember, it turned up at first on video tapes a few years back because they wanted to "recreate" the experience of a movie theatre. The only problem is that the "boob tube" is definitely NOT a movie theatre. It, also, had a tendencey to shrink the picture too much. Plus, like you said those two black bars are very annoying. Like you, I'm also pretty annoyed at having a small Mickey Mouse or Sponge Bob in the corner of my screen while watching Phineas and Ferb or the Fairly OddParents. All in all, you've pretty summed up people's feelings about these commercial gimmicks and you injected some great humor into it too!
I like it. There is only ONE shortcoming that stops this from being the perfect picture. You're missing one Enterprise; the Constitution Class NCC-1701; James T. Kirk's ship. Other than that, it's great!
At last they've been discovered. That Cameron is real psycho. No telling what he'd do to them. It's nice, though, that the guys have such good friends, J.T. and Tommy.
Oh, man. These poor guys are having it really rough. The description of what's happening to these poor shrunken guys is very vivid. You can really feel their terror. 1/2 inch tall; no wonder their friends don't recognize them!
This is one awesome and very CHILLING story. I could really feel Zach and Joe's fear. On a technical level, the grammar is good in the story so far! This is, so far at least, one of the better shrinking stories I've read!
I couldn't agree more. While there is certainly a place for interactive stories for the shrinking genre, I'm of the opinion that a "static" story would tend to be of a higher quality. It would certainly help you work on your skills as a writer because if the responsibility of writing is yours alone, then you have to work on it. There have been some good, indeed terrific, interactives, but as you pointed out, most of them have only a few chapters and then they fade into obscurity. I'm actually planning a shrinking story, but if I write it'll be a static item.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/slvr9900
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 4:57pm on Nov 10, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
