Hi my name is Pat and I am reviewing this poem as part of the poetry package from The Poet's Place
This is a very interesting poem starting with first life as a seed, followed by life in bloom which is followed by decay and death.
The imagery is very good. It is a good description of life from conception to death. This poem is a bit harsh, but my general impression is that I like it. This is a well-done poem.
Thank you for the pleasant read.
A very nice poem. I like the use of the refrain, so many questions and so few answers. Your use of imagery is very good. The use of punctuation appears to be random. Your 1st stanza has no punctuation at all, the second stanza has question marks, and the third stanza has no punctuation until the last 3 lines. Poetry often uses very little punctuation, so it is a matter of personal choice to a large degree, but I am of the opinion that whatever method you use it should be consistent throughout the poem.
Her head feels like its swarming with bees In this line I think its should have an apostrophe "it's" because it is a contraction. Her head feels like it is swarming with bees
Very well done, thank you for a pleasant read. I wish you success with your writing.
A very well written poem. Time is many things to all of us, you chose a nice selection of moods.
This poem is very good.
In my opinion, the pace is good and it reads with a nice rhythm.
There are only two items that may need to be corrected. Its bartered, loaned, and returned. I believe that its should be it's
and Bur one day, I believe that you may have meant to say but in place of "Bur"
A very interesting story. The pace is quick and your imagery is very good. A very nice job of showing, not telling the descriptions and emotions.
The ending is great, it provides a twist with an answer. It also leaves the reader wanting to read more, to turn the page on the next chapter.
The whole story is well done. You have many sentence fragments, but I believe they are intentional and easy to read and understand. I could find no errors!! Fantastic.
This is a beautiful poem. It is very sad and emotional, I can feel your pain.
The poem appears asymmetrical, of course it could just be the way things are spaced here on WDC Sadness and loneliness,
so many tears, so much pain.
Down, down.
Lost, afraid and empty
down, down.{/l}
Could be: Sadness and loneliness
so many tears,
so much pain
Down, down{/l}
and Lost
afraid,
empty,
down, down{/l}
These are simply suggestions to make a very good poem great.
Thank you for allowing me to read your poem.
A very nice poem, your use of imagery is good. It is great that you did not capitalize the first letter of each stanza, only the beginning of each sentence.
In my opinion each stanza should have the same number of lines. One, three and four each have four lines, but stanzas two and three only have three lines. I know that in free verse there are no rules so it is certainly your choice. Your piece would appear more symmetrical if all stanzas were the same length.
All in all your poem is very good and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you.
Great humorous story. I could fully picture the scene, good job.
A couple of suggestions, if I may I'm not usually so spontaneously generous and even though I did not intentionally try to disparage the people themselves, was was feeling a bit responsible for instigating the situation. This sentence has a duplicated word"was, was", one of them needs deleting. To make a long story short, the EMT's came and checked them out, they appeared to be fine and left the building, without their packages. I left the building without getting my stamps. I believe the punctuation after checked them out should be a semicolon instead of a comma.
There are a lot of really short paragraphs, perhaps a couple of them could be combined so that it doesn't appear so choppy. This is just my opinion, not a criticism.
An interesting story. You put a lot of action in a very short story.
Your first 3 sentences are rather plain and not the most interesting. I feel that the description needs a bit of polishing.
The word "that" was used 17 times in this short piece. In most cases you can remove it without hurting the story line at all. Example:
Sweat dripped down into his eyes, and as he moved his hands to wipe the sweat away, he noticed that they would not stop shaking. He looked over and saw that the woman at the next table was staring at him.
Sweat dripped down into his eyes, and as he moved his hands to wipe the sweat away, he noticed they would not stop shaking. He looked over and saw the woman at the next table was staring at him.{/i}
Seeing no other choice, the wanted man made a run for it to his room, where he hoped to get his capsule working in time to escape.
This line could possibly read better with a couple changes
Seeing no other choice, the wanted man made a run for his room, hoping to get his capsule working in time to escape.
You have a fragmented sentence instead of complete sentences in your first paragraph :
Foreigner, small and pudgy.{/i}
Your storyline is good, but the work needs editing. All in all a pleasant read. Thank You
Beautiful tribute to nature. Your imagery is very good, I can easily picture the scenes you allude to. Very little punctuation is used in this poem,
which may be a good thing. I wonder why each line is capitalized and there is a period after the last line of each stanza.
The overall mood created with this poem is very good.
Your poem has great emotion and feeling to it. Your descriptions are great and produce the emotions that I think you want the reader to feel. I can feel your pain.
In my opinion, the entire poem flows well until the last three lines. Although the simile is good, it seems a little awkward to me. Of course I am no expert, certainly don't change it based on my opinion alone.
Thank you, for the nice read.
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