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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/snipe
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3 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by Snipe
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Great tie-back to chapter one...lol: “He older or younger?”
Ragnar frowned. “We are the same age.”
“Who came out first?”
“We hatched at the same time."
“Hatched? So you guys lay eggs?”
Ragnar scowled. “We’re off subject.”
That was great...Love the dialogue and back and forth between ship mates...This kind of good back and forth reminds me of "Firefly"...Not that any of your characters aren't unique, just that the way you play them off each other and let the reader get to know them is excellent...

Dallas as a drunk was great...the dialogue kept prolonging the revelation about the shifter on the ship...kept adding to the suspense and then the result is he doesn't believe her cause she's tanked...great ending to the chapter...makes me wonder what will happen next...I would make the part with her drinking last a little longer so it is more realistic that she is drunk...seemed pretty fast...maybe she gets hit on a few times by some ruffians or gets curious about the "goings-on" in the back rooms? Really good though

The fact that colonists are thrown in a blender (centerfuge) after incubating the potion is just too cool...how sinister...reminds me of Soilent Green...but even nastier...

“We want to break into the labs on Eriad and destroy the technology,” Ragnar said. “Morgan and Paul have gotten the codes to get us all the way to the vault. "

I feel like this is a short cut...like you didn't want to have to write how two colonists managed to steal codes to the toughest installation in the galaxy? I think you should flesh this story out a bit and tell how they did it...maybe you do later? Just my impression as i read here... :)
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Review by Snipe
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I am not a Sci-Fi fan by any stretch...at least in print. But you hooked me good...perhaps because i have been to a few dives (like the one you describe) in SE Portland during my more questionable years...and so i kept reading...I like the intensity of the atmosphere...you set me up to think the guys were going to kill her, or take her in for ransom and then they end up needing her help...Liked that a lot. Characters are cool...The shape shifter is fascinating, particularly that they are on the extermination list. That's unique and very "un-Star Trek like" Thank goodness! I will read the next chapter it appears...dang it, and i have things to do!
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