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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/snowycragrat
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Review of Laura  Open in new Window.
Review by SnowyCragrat Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I like this story quite alot from that one read through.
The pacing was good as well as the endiing.

My only criticism would be that you should possibly add a little bit more detail to the character's descriptions, well more descriptions in general.
What was the weather like when he arrived at the Orphanage? Was it calm? overcast? Freezing with an oncoming snowstorm? Thunder? Rain? Baking with the day's heat?

That little extra might engage the reader a little bit more.

Other than that: a brilliant, gory and chilling short story.
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Review by SnowyCragrat Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I am, speechless.
I personally feel that this is a very good, subtle and disturbing short story.
I honestly do not know what else to say.

Is there anything that could be improved?
Personally in this section:- "But the jacket wanted to travel, so you traveled with it, wore it everyday until it became the color of your flesh, invisible even to you." I would have considered using colons and semi colons rather than just commas.
There are other sections where I would have used slightly different punctuation, or possibly added a word or two.

Other than that: I like it.
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