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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sophiemoon
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39 Public Reviews Given
39 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Bedpost.  Open in new Window.
Review by SophieMoon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
I don't usually love to write reviews that may seem harsh, but you asked for an honest review and this is my opinion.

In some parts, it seems as though the rhyming is forced.
For example: They could not be pulled apart
A beautiful relationship did start

instead of "did", I would have put "found a way" or something like that, because with "did' it breaks the flow of the poem, somehow shortening the line.
Then, there are lines when rhyming feels completely out of line. "again" and "friend', "sweet" and "sheets" et cetera. The theme is good and you have a good idea, there's just space for improvement. Work on your flow, read the poem out loud when you finish and if something doesn't feel good, change it.

Best of luck,
Sophie.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of America.  Open in new Window.
Review by SophieMoon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
When I read the poem, I mechanically looked at the rates you got for it and I was honestly surprised. Not even a word from this poem was wrong in my opinion. I am not from America, but the way you represent yourself is exactly like this - manipulating, power-hungry, we-are-better-than-everyone. Someone else might think otherwise, but just as you said in the beginning of the poem - this is your opinion. So I rate this higher than the average. Congratulations on having the courage to say how you feel.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review by SophieMoon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Even though I'm not from New York, or even USA to be honest, I remember that day clearly as well.. And sometimes I wonder the same thing as you do. And I guess that at one point, something like this had to happen. Terrorists had to show Americans that they are vulnerable, that not even them are indestructible. So even though that might have been just another September day, there might have been an October one, or a November one, it doesn't matter. People will never forget grief they felt that day. You were attacked and you came out stronger. You survived.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of space-time  Open in new Window.
Review by SophieMoon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
as a Harry Potter fanatic, and I guess that is just a typo, it's cloAk, not clock. and I just wanted to share this with you http://www.ecouterre.com/real-life-invisibility-cl...
http://www.itworld.com/hardware/349854/real-no-foo...

as far as space-time travelling goes, I guess it will be possible some day... but not just yet.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review by SophieMoon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I think that it's a job well done when someone wants to find out more and searches for it after something I've told them.
And that was the case with me after reading this piece. Even though I love learning about all sorts of (brilliant and) extraordinary people, I didn't know about Hypatia until now and I thank you very much for sharing this piece with us. It is well written, with interesting facts and, what made me smile, about a woman who was eager for knowledge and wasn't afraid to learn and not be traditional in those times. Great job.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of The Fire Inside  Open in new Window.
Review by SophieMoon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Disclaimer: I am not a professional writer or reviewer, this is only my opinion and it is not my wish to diminish its worth or anything else, this is just the way I perceived this poem.

Of course, everyone is different and everyone has their own opinion, but shouldn't there be, for example, ice instead of fire? Because fire is passion, fire is what you love and fight for and what gets you going. Ice is what stops you, that bitterness in your heart, those ugly feelings. If I got the metaphor right, then "fire" seems kind of inappropriate. We all have our battles, things that wish to drown us in that cold water and on the other hand, we have warm stuff - writing, friends, chocolate, whatever is to your liking.

I don't know if you used fire for the poetic and aesthetic details, but it's usually your passion that gets extinguished (again, with something cold or icy or water..you get the point).
Yes, the fires are on the inside, it's what we love. Not what we want to tame.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review by SophieMoon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
To be honest, you left me puzzled by the end of your entry. I have never met someone bipolar, in my country people either don't show it or they haven't heard of it yet so it didn't become a trend (but I guess it will in some time). Even though I don't know how hard it must be to live like that, I do sympathize with you. Maybe you don't want my sympathies but that's who I am. Life without good friends must be hard. No one to help you, no one to help you let go of your inner pain.
If you'd like, I'd like to talk to you more. If no one else will be with us, we writers must stick together. :)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of The Poet  Open in new Window.
Review by SophieMoon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
As a fellow poet and as someone who takes poetry very seriously I really am glad that I read this poem. It is very well written, it has a certain flow that goes through the whole poem and sounds beautiful when you read it out lout. You managed to capture the essence of a poet in eight short lines and that truly is amazing. I smiled at the end of this poem. Know that I'll be reading your future work as well. Great job.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review by SophieMoon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi. I saw your request for review for the Bermuda Triangle, but when I entered your portfolio, I saw this piece about Tesla and I had to read it first since he's a scientist from my country and well, you get why I wanted to read.

First of all, there are a few mistakes I noticed while reading this. Croatia isn't a part of Yugoslavia. Yugoslavia stopped existing in 1991/1992 when Slovenia and Croatia decided to step out of this federation (since its full name was Socialist Federal Republic of Yugoslavia) and in 1992, Macedonia and Bosnia and Herzegovina stepped out as well. Then Serbia and Montenegro formed their own country which lasted up until 2006 when they separated. So now we have Serbia, Montenegro, Croatia, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Macedonia and Slovenia. Kosovo was taken from Serbia and even though many countries recognize it as a legal state, not all of them do. So Kosovo isn't really a legal state (sorry for this brief lesson from history, but I felt like it was needed).
Then, Tesla was 86 when he died while you wrote that he was 60. He was born in 1856 and died in 1943. That can't be 60. :)

Now, for the other things. I liked reading this because I love learning and I like learning (or at least reminding myself of some facts) about Tesla. There's always a lot to write about him, there are numerous books written and a lot movies where he was mentioned (for example, The Prestige). I know that it's hard to decide what you'd write and what not, but this felt at times like a summary and there's room for making it interesting and memorable for the reader. You could have mentioned that Tesla decided to live a life of sexual abstinence, thinking that women would just take his mind from his beloved work. You could have mentioned that even though he had so many patents that were important not only for the future but for that time as well, he died without a penny in his pockets. Also, he invented a light bulb that could work for a hundred years and not have the need to be replaced, but some major companies that produced light bulbs managed to kind of ban that because they'd go out of profit (no one wanted to work with him on that so no one could produce it). There are many more examples but I do not wish to bore you.

There is an overuse of his name in some consecutive sentences (especially in that part where you talk about him being a God's gift). Maybe using the pronoun "he" or something like that could improve the feeling a reader gets while reading this. Also, his "war" with Edison, especially about Edison's DC and Tesla's AC current is something important.

Please don't think of this as a negative review. I guess that I am somewhat passionate about him and his history. Oh yeah, one more thing. Even though he was born in Croatia, he was a Serb. His father was an orthodox priest and that's what Tesla would have been if he hadn't committed his life to science. Croats are known for being catholics, while Serbs are orthodox.
For someone who doesn't know much about Tesla, this is a good article, providing some fundamentals about him. But please, do fix those mistakes.
Write on :)
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Review of My Nephew  Open in new Window.
Review by SophieMoon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I had to read this piece twice so I'd know how I really felt about it. I like the theme and the softness with which it's written, but in some parts it feels more like a letter than a poem. The five dots in the fourth line seem somewhat too much and I'd put "hoping FOR the best". Other than that, this feels like a nice piece of work.
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Review by SophieMoon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
I'm sorry for a low rating, but I think that there are things that could be improved here. First of all, I noticed a spelling mistake in the second verse where it's written diecieit instead of deceit I guess. Also, there are some lines which somehow break the flow - the word "alas" in the first verse, and also the last line in the second verse. It is a poem with a nice topic and it could potentially be very good, it just needs some work to be done on it. Best regards.
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Review of Deadly kiss  Open in new Window.
Review by SophieMoon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
to be honest, when I read that it's another vampire poem, or well, anything, I didn't have very high expectations, but I really loved this. It's written in some archaic style and it's really good. I loved the last two lines of the first verse best. No spelling mistakes found, which I find as another plus. Nice work :)
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Review by SophieMoon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I absolutely love this and I would love to read it. Farooq seems very interesting and intriguing. Thank you for sharing this with us :)
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Review of Doubt  Open in new Window.
Review by SophieMoon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
as a fellow writer I must tell you to set her free, to write, to enjoy your poems, your work, to enjoy writing. If you loved it 20 years ago, you always will, that kind of love never goes away. So keep writing, it is your talent and keep sharing with us :)
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Review by SophieMoon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am really sorry that you had to go through this and I don't know how I would feel without my mom. Numb probably. It's good that you managed to express yourself through poetry and relieve yourself of some pain, if that is even possible. It's nicely written :)
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Review of Floroigraphy  Open in new Window.
Review by SophieMoon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
what's the outcome? :D
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Review of No One Cares  Open in new Window.
Review by SophieMoon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
even though you implemented strong emotions here, this poems lacks something. I can't quite tell what it is, but just repeating that no one cares doesn't give the poem the strength that it could by adding something else, describing more, allowing the reader to see the whole picture..
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Review of Indebted  Open in new Window.
Review by SophieMoon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
it is a lovely poem and it is a kind of a tribute to yours and everyone else's parents, to show them how much we are thankful for giving us life and love and everything that goes along with it.. You have a few jumpings out of the rhythm, or at least that's how it sounds to me - in 4th verse each somehow jumps out, for example.. But nevertheless, nice work :)
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