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Review of Morning's Glory  Open in new Window.
Review by Spinny Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Found on the Shameless Plug Page.

Disclaimer: Only my opinion. Feel free to disregard. *BigSmile*


*Note* My Overall Impression:
Nice idea and use of metaphor. But I'm thrown off by the odd structure and the flow, well, doesn't flow at times.


*Note* Title:
The title's OK, but I wish we heard more about the flower in the poem.


*Note* Flow:
"Of daylight's king" doesn't flow for me. Maybe "The Daylight King" would work better.
"Awake he is to greet the sky." — you're not Yoda. Please use proper sentence structure — "He is awake to greet the sky."


*Note* Mood/Tone:
"kings do leave" — passive voice. Correct by deleting the "do"
"Another morning day does greet" — again, passive voice. Delete "does" and make "greet" plural.


*Note* Spelling/Grammatical Errors:
"Dorn" is not a word. I'm not sure if you mean "don" or "adorn"
"As I sit, and watch, and wonder" — don't need that first comma.


*Note* Wrap up comments:
Overall, I like the idea and I feel like it could be a very interesting poem. The language/metaphors are beautiful, and I love the imagery! I was disappointed that while you use more formal language your structure doesn't follow suit. And the use of rhyme, while nice, was too random.

So I'd call it half good, half needs improvement.


Good luck,
Spinny
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