The title is a tad cliche (not a criticism, just an observation) but it thoroughly describes the poem. The short lines accentuate the fleeting nature of the speaker's fantasies. The imagery is vivd and the subject is interesting.
Overall, your puctuation makes sense. I think you should remove the following comma
"The sound
of bony fists
pounding
on the cold,
stone floor"
It doesn't belong there. The pause feels awkward and isn't required by grammar. I suggest that you remove them.
The last couple of stanzas were somewhat disappointing though. The language weakens toward the end. I think the final note should be "condemned to die". "Dungeon of doom" is weak, melodramatic and unnecessary.
Of course, these are my thoughts and no one else's. They may differ from your thoughts. These are simply some suggestions. Overall a pretty good poem.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 8:08am on Dec 25, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
