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Review by H. Marie Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I like the rhyming and concept of this poem. The emotion you portray is deep and intense. I'm sure we have all at one time or another been with a person who has refused to share their feelings with us. It is a very frustrating and hurtful thing; you managed to capture it beautifully in your poem.

The only thing I could suggest is to revise your punctuation and a couple minor spelling errors. In my experience, writing poetry is sort of similair to writing a short story. If you write it out in that format (short story format) and then break it up where you want to the punctuation would be the same. For instance, you write:

But he refuses and so that causes a delay.

In our relationship because I do not know what move to make next.

I would delete the period at the end of delay (leaving it with no punctuation) place a comma after relationship and keep the period at the end of next. Line 4: I would place a comma after "Right now" Line 10: Capitalize the first letter of "there". Line 12: I would place a comma after "Right now". Line 16: Comma after "Darling".

When it comes to punctuation in poetry, the author has complete creative freedom. Keep in mind that these are only suggestions and you don't have to follow them. If you like the way your poem reads with the punctuation that is already in place, then by all means scrap my comments.

The spelling errors I cought were "vext" on line 4, I believe you mean vexed. The next is "completly" in the last line in which I believe you mean completely.

Overall, I love the poem. It is obvious that you have a deep capacity for emotion. Keep writing!
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