Good rhyme. Good rhythm. Maybe I would change a few words, if I may, "If I ran free under the sky," to If I ran free beneath the sky, "no deadline I must meet." to no deadline must I meet. and "while she wanders the land." to while she wanders about the land, or around the land. Just suggestions. It's a very good poem that tells a great story. I really enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing it with us. Keep up the good work.
MrSteve
Your fact tell the story. Every day I wake up expecting that tell-tale cough to start up. I've worried and cried almost every day since my exposure. In the early 1980's I was exposed to an extreme amount of asbestos dust. I had it checked and the Dr. told me not to worry because there wasn't anything I could do about it. Your article reopened my eyes. Thank you. Maybe your article will bring the right people together and we can get a stronger lobby force in Washington.
MrSteve
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/stevedclancy
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 2:23pm on Dec 23, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
