\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/stevengepp
Author IconMail Icon
Review Requests: ON
1,532 Public Reviews Given
1,576 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Minimalist. Focus on technical. I also look at how a work would fit into the traditional publishing landscape. I don't use a template. Warning: I am Australian, and so cultural differences may apply.
Favorite Genres
Most, really.
Least Favorite Genres
Fan-fiction
Favorite Item Types
Short stories and essays.
I will not review...
I will not review porn, fan-fiction or pro-religious/OTT-pro-USA essays. No interactives either, please.
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
1
1
Review of In the Flash  Open in new Window.
for entry "The Cashier" Open in new Window.
Review by s Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Fun little slice of life flash fiction.

I say fiction, because about three months ago, my regular check-out operator changed her appearance drastically. I thought she wasn't there, then a voice called my name and this woman I didn't recognise called me over and only as she spoke did I know.

This was probably why this story struck me so nicely - for me, this is reality. And you captured how initially felt so brilliantly. "Where was my Omunique?"

Technically, there was not a problem. This was you writing about me, though you didn't know it.

Thank you and good luck going forward.
2
2
Review of Choice Unveiled.  Open in new Window.
Review by s Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


A very brave poem.

While I am not going to judge this on politics (and I like the way you have only hinted at the decision, not stated it) I will say it does come more into starkness in like if recent US political events. Where I live, there would be more acceptance either way.

There is a darkness at the start that gives way to an element of hope, which makes whatever decision is taken is the right one for the person.

You have straddled a fine line between being maudlin and angry and hopeful really well.

You have used the language of bravery nicely here as well.

As a poem, I read poetry out loud, and this had a couple of lines that felt too long, breaking an easy speaking rhythm.

Still, a really strong poem. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
3
3
Review of Again  Open in new Window.
Review by s Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


This a strong metaphor - Groundhog Day and birthdays, what will each bring? It is certainly not one I have come across before, so well done on finding a unique spin!

You keep the metaphor going throughout, and it makes sense the way you have portrayed it.

As far as a poem goes, I was thrown as little as the first stanza is all rhyme, and then it is double rhymes, except "It's not just Groundhog Day, you see,/ It's a celebration, it's my birthday." which has not rhyme. It was odd to say out loud. Also odd was the changing syllable count, ranging from 8 to 13 syllables, which made for an awkward read for a rhyming poem.

But I really like the imagery you went for in this.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
4
4
Review by s Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
This came up on read and review, so I thought I'd give it a go.

While an old trope (by now) of aliens/ supernatural entities using the television to attack and draw people in, this one was delivered in a different enough manner - the grandfather having pre-knowledge - to make it stand out.

It had all the story-beats needed, and an ending that was not one I saw coming. I really enjoy it when I do not see the ending coming, by the way.

However, it was written with a lot of tell and very little show. We had no sense of this being anything other than just a series of events. There was very little emotional investment through the characters. We needed more of what they were feeling, what their sensations (all five senses) were experiencing, more build-up of danger and tension n the story. As it was, it just felt like it happened.

Technically, there are quite a few punctuation errors, and also paragraphing errors, especially new speaker, new paragraph and new active person, new paragraph rules. It did make it awkward at times to follow exactly who was doing what.

So, there is a really strong story here, but it does need some editing and greater impact in writing.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
5
5
Review by s Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Fun little tale of when wildlife turns nasty. I wasn't sure of the age of the human in this, but I will guess older than a child. Teasing a squirrel with some dire consequences and then home surgery.

On a technical point, a couple of verb tense errors (dropping into past from present), some punctuation, grammar and syntax errors, so this does need a thorough edit.

However, in a story-telling point, this was nearly all tell with very little show. This was just a series of events. No reason why a squirrel should be mocked, no indication of what is meant by "life flashing before my eyes", no pain or trepidation when stitching up the wound.

It was just a thing that happened. I think if you want to grab a reader, they need to be engaged with the characters and what is happening. This lacked that.

Still, it was a fun story. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
6
6
Review by s Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


I like the idea of this poem, looking at life as waiting to go to the final home. The repeated refrain at the end of each stanza really works well. There is a sense of wistfulness about the poem, not quite nostalgia, but close.

However, the December/ Christmas stanza doesn't quite work. The rest can be seen as metaphors for stages of life, but I didn't get the metaphor of that stanza.

Still, it was a good poem with a structure that worked really well, and it was easy to read out loud.

Good luck going forward.
7
7
Review by s Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
First, I have no idea why you wanted me to review this. I am not the target audience, I think.

I quite liked the casual manner and almost sarcastic way you've presented this. It is not done hyper-seriously, and that makes it different to most things of this style I have read.

I am not sure if this is meant to be a part of a guide-book or a fantasy essay. If the former, then it feels rather random. If the latter, then it needs some better organisation, some formatting to make it follow.

The contents is interesting, a take on the demonology works of the D&D universe, themselves based on those of the Catholic Church of the Middle Ages. I think I would have gone back to those original sources and done this as a riff on them, taking the formatting, etc. directly from it with your own personal spin.

The biggest issue, though, is that this needs a lot of editing, way too much for me to go through. Lack of punctuation, capitalisation, sentence structure, all of it makes this a hard read at times. And then the ending feels too short, like you ran out of puff or something. The last section is short and there's no conclusion.

As for content, it is actually a fine derivative work. There is a lot here to like and to play with. It just needs more work.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
8
8
Review by s Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


I selected this at random for your anniversary, and I am glad I did.

This is a well-described piece of writing, focusing on the emotions of Elias and the struggle, but coming out all right in the end. It was well-written, with nothing I could see technically an issue. You have captured the feeling of what he is going through really well, and you have not made it overstay its welcome.

Really well done, and good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
9
9
Review of Flower Boy  Open in new Window.
Review by s Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


This comes across as a fairy tale type story. It is a little tale that tells its story in plain terms - perfect for a younger reader who is not yet developed.

If aimed for an older audience, it is general in Western writing that there be a conflict. The conflict here was so slight as to not even be there. Some concern, but no real conflict. I know, not all romance needs conflict, but there was not even a conflict of "who is leaving the flowers?" because you told us from the word go.

Also, no matter the age, this was all tell and very little show. Add emotion, add all five senses, add personalities - make us care about these characters and this situation. At the moment it almost feels like an outline of something much longer.

This does sound harsh, I understand that, but I can see something in here with the romantic nature of the story that shows you have the imagination and technical ability to write this into something larger.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
10
10
Review by s Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


You marked this as poetry, so I am reading it as a prose poem. As such, I won't be looking at any of the grammar; poetry can be weird like that.

It is a poem of true emotion, of not knowing where you are in the midst of a mental health issue and in relation to others. It is vivid and tells the tale from a very personal point of view.

I think my only advice would be one of formatting. Just separate the paragraphs/stanzas a little more to make it clear to the reader. As for content - nothing I can say.

This is really well done. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
11
11
Review by s Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


I wasn't sure what to make of this poem. It felt a little rambling, and then nostalgic.

And then... Everything from "Maybe you were my placebo--/ my sugar pill."

Suddenly it all came together, it all made sense. And those last three lines are perfect.

It is still a little all over the place at the start, but I really did like the closing of the poem. It felt strong and honest and open... and not a little sad.

Interesting poem, that's for sure. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
12
12
Review of Vampire  Open in new Window.
Review by s Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


This was a well-though out re-imagining of vampiric lore. You clearly put some thought into the changes and explained them well through the voice of the vampire. It made sense and would easily lead to something more complex and longer. Your descriptions of his movements and the girl's responses speak of a relationship that is not yet great, but could be getting there.

Technically, it was also very clean. Nicely done.

However, two things do stand out. The 1790 opening did not seem to have any bearing on the rest of the tale. It felt like it might have been a set up for the vampire, but didn't really come across in that way. Second, there was no conflict. It was a character study more than a story. While that is not a bad thing, it did leave me wanting more.

So, some nice work here, but I did want more. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
13
13
Review of Scene writing.  Open in new Window.
Review by s Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


A good little scene, set in the bar of a hotel. The action flowed smoothly, the conversations felt natural, and the way the stranger interjected himself made sense as well. The ending, being left a mystery, was a good touch as well. Was he lying or telling the truth? Does it matter?

The biggest issue I have with this is that it needs a thorough edit. There are a lot of punctuation errors throughout, way too many for me to list here, especially around commas and direct speech. Also, some PoV in paragraph issues.

As far as the story mechanics, there were some times where more show would have helped. How the boys were feeling, the barman's reactions, more taste, smell, etc. would have added to the tale. Also, some of the descriptions feel unnecessary. They don't even add that much colour, to be honest.

So, a strong scene, but the mechanics do need work. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
14
14
Review of I Dare You  Open in new Window.
Review by s Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Good piece of personal terror, building tension nicely.

You utilise your descriptions really well, not just visual, but also the physical - the hip, the cramp, things like that. You drip feed things in to build that tension well.

And I love the counter-position of: I wouldn’t wish this agony on my worst enemy.//...//“Your turn,” I say with grim determination.
Perfect.

Technically, it was very clean as well. Love that.

I think the only thing missing were you didn't use three of the senses. The smell would really have upped the ante, especially as the narrator reached the middle, the sounds, the echoes, would have helped, and even the taste of the culvert's air compared to the clean air at the end. Add these in, and this could be almost close to a perfect horror story without horror.

Well done and good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
15
15
Review by s Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Interesting piece of flash fiction.

As far as a story of this type goes, it was fine. You had the mystery of the bottle, a recent date, hopefully getting there in time, a decent open-ended ending. And technically, one slip-up: "WE" in all-caps near the end.

I am not sure if this was for a flash fiction challenge or not, but even for flash, it felt muted. It was all tell and very little show. I know it is a majority epistolatory story, but the reader, Robert, felt "worried"... and that was it. If we focused a little more on his emotions and sense of concern, and less at the start with the set-up of finding a bottle, then it might have felt a little more personal as a tale.

Fun read, it just felt like it could have been more.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
16
16
Review of Stygian Souls  Open in new Window.
Review by s Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


While I am not well-versed in free-form poetry, horror is my "thing" so I thought I'd give this a go.

You have painted a good word picture of a storm and the spirits of the dead coming out with it. It is quite evocative of the scene and the scenario.

I think the only thing I would have wanted was more of the sense of fear from the narrator, being stuck in the middle of this maelstrom, just to add something a little more personal and emotional to the narrative of the poem.

Still, good work and good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
17
17
Review of Broken Road  Open in new Window.
Review by s Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


A short poem, one that made me smile, so a quick review for your anniversary.

Follows the mechanics of a limerick well with the AABBA rhyme and the humourous ending line - which did make me laugh. Not sure which Hartford you were referring to, but I pictured the one in the UK, like half the world away and across an ocean from Peru!

The only thing that got me was syllable count/rhythm. I read poetry out loud and it was a little awkward at the end. The syllable count was 8-8-6-6-10, and so it just felt odd. Not sure how to cut it down, but that is just my reading of it.

Still, fun limerick, and good luck going forward!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
18
18
Review by s Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This came up on 'Read & Review'.

I like it when a story doesn't go where I'm thinking, though looking back, I should have seen it.

I liked the idea of the pieces being living beings - very Alice Through The Looking Glass - and it being a game they know about. You have captured it well. I am guessing you had a word count restriction for the contest; it would be interesting to see a whole chess game portrayed like this to the end without letting on it's chess.

Technically, it was fine, with "query" probably better served as "quarry".

So, well done, good little piece and good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
19
19
Review by s Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review'.

This is a sweet story of a love that defied even death. A child with a parent, helping her cope with loss, and the losing her as well.

There is a lot to unpack here.

Punctuation-wise, a few errors; just needs an edit. Then there is: "Was she just relaxing…….OR…..NOOOOO!!!!!!" Why so many dots? Ellipses have 3. Why the capital "OR"? Why so many exclamation marks? I get you're trying to indicate grief, but that does not work.

You said she was 47 years old today... but she was already dead. We tend to stop counting age after death. Unless this happened on her birthday, but that was confused.

There was a lot of information that was not relevant to the story. What did the father working soap operas mean? Didn't add anything, didn't give character development. WHy does the meaning of the narrator's name matter? The name is never used again. Lots of things like that.

The biggest thing, though, is there is no emotion... apart from the "Was she just relaxing…….OR…..NOOOOO!!!!!!" I guess. It was all tell, very little show. This story could have held such a powerful emotional punch, but it was like the sort of thing someone would say in a eulogy. It was muted and lacked that impact the story really was crying out for.

Now, I apologise if this sounds harsh, but I see a lot of promise and potential in this story. The tale itself is rich. You have that romance imagination that really works for this genre. It just could do with more power.

In my opinion.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
20
20
Review of On Thin Ice  Open in new Window.
Review by s Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review'.

Well, this was dark... and fun. The sense of panic is subtle, but there, as is the satisfaction of a job well done.

But what gets me is that last word - "Oopsy."

So perfect for the story.

My only issue is she says she doesn't see or hear anything strange, then she says two guys were arguing. Was this deliberate, and made the cops reconsider? It felt like too obvious a lie.

Technically, great job.

So, a fun story. Well done and good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
21
21
Review of Life was Good  Open in new Window.
Review by s Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review'.

This is a nice little slice of life, the little boy seeing that he was growing, but the mum learning about herself and how to mother more so. Nice and subtle, and quite well done.

Technically, I saw one mistake (“Why didn’t you tell me?!” Andy said, now very excited, he loved the zoo. should be “Why didn’t you tell me?!” Andy said, now very excited; he loved the zoo.) So, really well done.

I hope you did well in the contest this was written for; it was entertaining and written well.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
22
22
Review of Friendship  Open in new Window.
Review by s Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
This came up on read a newbie, so here I am...

This poem shows a devotion to a friend (or friends) in some nice little ways. This is a poem from the heart and that is always appreciated.

However, I have never heard of size of shoes being something to break a friendship; that line felt very odd.

From a point of view of the poem, you have gone for the interesting AABBBCC rhyme, which works for what you wanted, and kudos for trying something a little different. However, for a rhyming poem, when I read it out loud, it felt off because the rhythm is inconsistent. Maybe just look at syllable count is all.

Oh, and for reference - this type of poem, when the initial letters spell a word relevant to the poem, is called an Acrostic Poem! *Smile*

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
23
23
Review of One-on-One  Open in new Window.
Review by s Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Found this on 'Read & Review.'

I always find it interesting reading the 55 word stories, and this is one of the better ones I have come across here. The old squash player, just having a hit in the court, and being faced with what could well be his own mortality.

Technically very clean, and it tells its story so succinctly.

Really well done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
24
24
Review by s Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Found this on 'Read & Review'.

Interesting little horror story.

I am not sure abut splitting it into two parts, but I can see what you were going for. Being taken into a mirror's reflection is something done quite a bit in horror (see the opening sequence in Amicus Film's From Beyond The Grave, or half the stories in the 2022 anthology in Mirror, Mirror (Iron Faerie)), so you need to really take a different look at it to make a story stand out.

You have an intriguing set up, and the split view leaves us aware of what has happened.

Technically, it was very clean as well - nicely done.

However, as a horror story, it felt distinctly subdued. You have described what happens, but that's it. We are told most of the story, not shown, and we have no real idea of anyone's emotions. Also, horror works best when all five senses are utilised. This does not do that.

I can see that you are really pushing for the horror, but a story like this, to really grab the fears of the reader, should have been at least double the length, if not longer. At times, it almost felt like an outline of a longer work.

Sorry to sound harsh, but I do only review things I can see potential in, and there is definitely potential here. Let yourself go - this could be so much scarier.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
25
25
Review of Tides that binds  Open in new Window.
Review by s Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This came up on 'Read And Review'.

A strong poem looking at the importance of friends in our memories and in giving our lives meaning.

As a poem, it gives a good overview and emphasises the positives friendship can have on a person.

Now, I read poetry out loud, and this felt awkward to read. You have a good rhyming pattern, but the rhythm is off; the syllable count varies too much to make for an easy read to go along with the rhyme.

So the poem is a good one, but to me some more tweaking with the structure would help.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
764 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 31 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/stevengepp