\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/stevengepp
Review Requests: ON
1,577 Public Reviews Given
1,623 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Minimalist. Focus on technical. I also look at how a work would fit into the traditional publishing landscape. I don't use a template. Warning: I am Australian, and so cultural differences may apply.
Favorite Genres
Most, really.
Least Favorite Genres
Fan-fiction
Favorite Item Types
Short stories and essays.
I will not review...
I will not review porn, fan-fiction or pro-religious/OTT-pro-USA essays. No interactives either, please.
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
1
1
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Some really pleasant memories here. Though unique to yourself, the overall feel of those good times with an elderly relative in a time long ago is something that I am sure many can see in themselves while reading this.

Technically, this felt very clean; no errors that I could see.

I guess my only issue is that this felt aimless. It was a series of vignettes, which is fine, but they did not lead one into another. These sorts of memories can often do that, but this was just a list of things. To that end, it also felt like it had no real ending, just another vignette. Maybe some structure would help here.

Still, it was a fun remembrance. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
2
2
Review of Pen  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


I never thought of it like this before. Taking the pen and anthropomorphising it to a point where it might even be glad to give its life in creative pursuits is actually rather depressing. But then grieving for the loss of a really good pen is something that I think many of us can relate to. You have captured this rather well, and even leads to second guessing what we are doing.

Technically, it felt fine. Could see no errors.

I think if I was to suggest something, it might be to expand upon the feelings of the pen itself, something you only alluded to briefly, but that was intriguing enough.

Really well done and good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
3
3
Review of That smile  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


A sweet poem about a smile that sticks in the mind, a memory that does not fade. It is something I feel that many of us can relate to; so many have that one fleeting moment seared into our brains like this.

As far as a poem goes, I read poetry out loud, and the ABAB rhyme scheme almost demanded a constant rhythm, and this poem lacked that. It did feel awkward to say. There was also a couplet that did feel like a forced rhyme - retrieval/regal.

So, a poem that has, at its core, such a pleasant and invoking idea, but could use some tightening.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
4
4
Review of Love is More  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


This reads like a personal experience with love and all its trappings, maybe based on experience, maybe on observation, but it certainly does not come across as a typical essay.

In fact, this reads more like a prose poem. There is nothing wrong with that, by the way, it just does not follow a normal essay structure and feels too infused with emotion.

Technically, it was well-written; I could see no mistakes in that regard.

Content-wise, it is also perfectly fine.

I think treating this as a poem and adding a little more of the personal from your own point of view would certainly drive it more towards the prose poem concept; if it remains an essay, even a personal one, then the structure could be tweaked. So, at the moment, it sits between the two.

But a strong piece. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
5
5
Review of Crossroads  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


This rather depressing philosophical essay. There are some strong thoughts and ideas here, and the concept of us being domesticated by ourselves is one that is not given anywhere near enough credence these days.

Some of the ideas do feel muddled. Was told from the PoV of an everyperson, a person living with a disability or someone else? It did feel like it jumped around a bit.

Some of the phrases used had a muddled meaning. For example, "bristling the wiry fur" means to rub it the wrong way, which is uncomfortable for an animal, but that is not the way you have portrayed it. Little things like that. It just needs a thorough edit, maybe with an external set of eyes.

So, a good piece with a strong message, but I feel some clarification would make it stronger.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
6
6
Review of Planted love  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


A short poem that says a lot in so few words. The idea of a love that grows to such an intensity over time is one that I feel many can relate to, but is rarely put forth like this. You have built it nicely, starting from unsure to all-encompassing.

I think the brevity helps, as it does not belabour any point, and yet still has some deeply personal emotions in it.

The lack of punctuation, etc. is fine as a poetic expression.

This is a strong piece. Well done and good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
7
7
Review of Writing Scares Me  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


This piece is one that brings up some questions in the reader, especially on a site dedicated to writing like this one. Writing scares a lot of people - overcoming that fear is what makes a writer a writer. In my opinion.

Your recollection of the past events comes across well. You have used them to demonstrate that the ideas are there, but you're not sure how to portray it. And yet, you do portray it. Or maybe you mean with depth.

You question what you have to write about - you have a lot. But does everything you write need to be non-fiction or autobiographical? Why not base a fiction piece on your lived experiences? Short stories about a musician on the road? The more you write, the better you will become - especially if you take critiques on board - and this essay will be the place where you started.

Technically, this was fine. Could not see any mistakes. What I would recommend is maybe adding a little more about your emotions - how does this make you feel? Why do you feel this way? Start to expand on the what and look at some of the why. And the writing, I feel, will grow from there.

Good luck going forward and I hope your muse finds you in this field.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
8
8
Review of Shards of Hope  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


One of the better responses I've seen from the side of politics that didn't win. It is not the end, but just a set-back, and there are more rounds of the fight to come. It is a poem of hope and not complete despair, so well done there.

As a poem, I read poetry out loud to give me an idea of how it works, and two of the lines really felt too long when taken in conjunction with the rest of the poem. Maybe split them, just to make the breath-taking for a reader feel more comfortable? Just a thought.

Well done and good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
9
9
Rated: E | (3.0)
This is very brief. So much more detail is needed here. Statements do not mean a great deal without evidence to back them up. What this feels like is either the opening paragraph of a longer essay or article, waiting for each point to be expanded upon.

Technically, it is fine.

It just feels way too short for what could be an interesting article.
10
10
Review of Flight 363  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Something different - sci-fi romance with a surprising narrator. Some will say don't do this to the first person PoV narrator, but I think you managed to make it work. Setting up a strange little will-they, won't-they romance while faced with the journey to space did add a weird dynamic to it.

Story-wise, the emotions felt muted through the language used. It was all tell and very little show. We had a first-person narrator, and we had no idea how they were really feeling here. It was just dialogue. What about some physiological reactions, especially after the "best friends' comment? However, for trained astronauts, it did also sound rather immature as well.

However, the biggest issue with this tale was the punctuation, especially around direct speech, and paragraph separation. This needs a really good edit to clean it up. In more than one case, the meaning was hard to get because of the technical issues.

So, an interesting story with a different setting and a strong ending, but it does need some cleaning.

Good luck going forward!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
11
11
Review of NOT HOLD ON  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


This is an interesting mantra explained. While I do not think the mantra works brilliantly in all situations, your explanation does give it credence and you support your arguments, which is what the idea of writing and putting it out there is.

The issues with this piece are technical, however. Some of the verb syntaxes do not quite work, and it does confuse the meaning. That did make some of your arguments clouded. This just needs a thorough edit.

So, an interesting piece, but one that does need some little work. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
12
12
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


This is a poem of a deep love, one that the narrator is almost basing their personality and their sense of self on being in love with their "flower". There is a sense of feeling like this love is timeless, from the narrator's point of view.

As a free-form poem, it works well, and was easy to read out loud, which is what I do for poetry.

I guess my only issue is this relationship does not feel healthy, and that always makes me wary when reading things like this.

Still, fine poem, and good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
13
13
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Looking through your port, this struck me. It is the cycle of life encapsulated so neatly and succinctly. The repetition of the three lines, broken by one line that does not fit really emphasises this point.

I say the line doesn't fit, but it is the crux of the poem.

Short, sharp and shiny, not overstaying its welcome - this is a really well done little poem

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
14
14
Review of The Lies You Told  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


I know you stated this was not about you, but, wow, have you captured the feelings of going through this well.

I like your use of language, from the opening of "the religion of you" all the way through to "every ruinous word". There is a bitterness and a sadness here that comes through so well.

For your anniversary month, this might feel like it's just praise, but there is very little I would change. It was easy to read out loud, and I could feel the emotion. I guess if I were to offer one thing, it would be it did feel distant; there was not enough of the real deep emotion this sort of thing engenders.

Still, great work, and good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
15
15
Review of Just Bananas!  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


I decided to review this for your anniversary month because it had no reviews yet.

There was a hint of surreality about this piece, even of wish fulfilment or wanting or believing something enough. It certainly did not take itself seriously, and in the flash constraints, it worked well. No point was belaboured, nothing was explained, it was just a "this happened" sort of story. Perfect for the form, and it didn't need it to be a weird little piece (and I mean that in a good way).

Technically, some issues with direct speech that a good edit should fix easily enough; otherwise, fine.

Fun piece. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
16
16
Review of Air Pollution  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
This came up on read and review.

As a letter to the editor, it fulfills what is needed - short, to the point and no padding. What is being highlighted is something it would be good for a newspaper to place more emphasis on.

So, some technical points. "etc." means "and the rest". You do not write "and etc." So, closure of educational institutions, offices, etc. is better.

"With similar to Delhi..." Similar what? It is an adjective, not a noun. How about: Similar to Delhi... or In a similar situation as Delhi....

"...alarming rate" should be ...an alarming rate.

"...spread to the highest." does not read well. Hos about: ...spread as widely as possible.

Little things to just clean up the smoothness of the piece.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
17
17
Review of Nobody  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


A creepy little story, a woman already in a state of mental confusion faced with something that could not be real.

The thing that makes this story stand out is the descriptions. You not only use the visuals, but the smells and sounds as well to paint a strong word picture of the scenes you are portraying.

Technically, a few issues with direct speech, and format-wise, paragraph separation is inconsistent. Needs a good edit.

Story-wise, you said she dropped the bowl, but why was she holding it? She continued to eat after dropping it? Earlier, when the waitress takes the order, there is pronoun confusion. And at the start, the conversation the guards have about Abby means nothing for the rest of the story, and feels like padding. Again, things a good edit will clean up.

So this is a strong story that just needs a little tidying to really make it a truly gripping piece. Good luck going forward.
18
18
Review of Santa's Letter  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This popped up on 'Read And Review.'

What a sweet romantic story, painting Santa as a human - albeit one stuck in an eternal (as he says) duty to the world. His love for his wife does come out, and it is a nice way to think of the character.

However, the letter was mostly about him. "I could barely keep my hands to myself." "... you are the reason I find joy..." "...the feel of your skin beneath my fingers." And so many more. And his plans are from him, not her, or (better) them. There is a hint of selfishness about this love letter. It is sweet and it is really nice and feels genuine, but he is the person in it - she is just 'his' Marjorie.

I'm sorry, this seems really negative, but I did enjoy the tale.

Thanks for sharing and good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
19
19
Review of Abduction!  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


A weird dialogue story of alien abduction and subsequent rescue. Dialogue-only stories are always fun because you need to express so much without description, and I think you've done that quite well. The story carries along well and comes to a happy for now conclusion.

Two little things. Why were the aliens speaking English to themselves? And we know they were speaking English because Connie and Mark understood them. And two, how did the Space Force get there so quickly? The phone call was only a few lines before.

These drew me out of the story, I'm afraid. But the work itself was nicely done. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
20
20
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


This is a nice little poem, designed (I am guessing) for a younger audience. The reason I say that is that I read poetry out loud and today I had a younger audience available, so I read it to them.

They loved it.

There is very little to say. It was easy to read, the rhymes did not feel forced, the meter was constant and the story was fun. Some parents did think the leader's speech went on too long, but that was the only negative. Oh, and I had to explain what plaid was, but I do not see that as a negative, but a way to increase vocabulary.

Good poem, appreciated by a younger audience! Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
21
21
Review of His Mother's Eyes  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Although I saw where this was going as soon as you mentioned the eyes in the opening, this is a well-written tale of filial love and vengeance. There is the build to the admission of guilt, the dream being a portent of deaths past and to come, and the final emotional outburst.

Technically, I saw nothing wrong. So good to see that!

I think my only minor nitpick is that, while dialogue-heavy (and that's fine), I had no real impression of just how this was affecting Horace. Was he lying? Was he lying to himself? That made the story feel odd, and almost a suicide mission to get the son to take him. Some more physiological responses as he told the story, interspersed through his story-telling, might have given this a little more clarity.

Unless you wanted it to be an either/or situation. In which case, it worked. Just felt muted.

So really strong story. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
22
22
Review of Beliefs...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


I lean slightly left, and so was curious as to how this poem would go.

It made me laugh. A lot. Though I think Biden would have trouble answering, the final stanza seems like it would happen exactly that way. And this will remain relevant for at least four more years...

Technically, it was strong. Punctuation used well, no forced rhymes. I read poetry out loud, and this was easy to recite; the 8±1 syllable count worked well.

So, fun poem, well-done, and with something meaningful to say. Rare in modern political discourse.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
23
23
Review of The Son of Man  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


What a depressing story. The picture prompt is one that I think I'd struggle with, but you've managed to use it rather well. with the fly on the apple, and the whole faceless sort of man trying to better himself, but not even getting the chance.

I felt sorry for David by the end and just wanted him to have a relaxing cigarette at home in front of the sport. I did feel he was muted as a character, or was that a deliberate way of showing his numbness at the life he lived?

Technically, it seemed flawless.

My only question is why the boss was an MD - to me, that's a doctor of medicine.

Otherwise, strong story from an intriguing prompt. Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
24
24
Review of Clown Chase  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
This came up on 'Read & Review'.

An old trope - the nightmare that becomes reality - with an added clown for good horror measure. The old tropes are still some of the best, though. And I like the fact that we are not sure if the dream is based on an action committed in reality or not; that element of mystery adds to the story.

Technically, the story felt fine; no obvious errors.

However, as a story, it was muted. You tell us he felt "paralyzed", that there was "anxiety" and "panic." Show us. Describe what his body is going through. It's clearly a lucid dream, so describe the way his heart pounds, how that feels, the sweat on his skin, the pain when he breaths, the dryness of his mouth, all the physiological signs of panic and anxiety. There was so much scope for show here, to really up the tension of the tale. There is no word count limit indicated, so use the words.

Good tale, but it could have been amazing.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
25
25
Review of Normalcy  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
This came up on 'Read & Review.'

Interesting you put this as prose because, with the exception of the explanation (rant?) at the bottom, this comes across well as a free-form poem; reading it out loud, it even comes across as a poem to read.

As for content... if this is autobiographical, then, welcome to the club, because it is me, too. So easy for me to relate to... in the real world. Writing? I am normal.

The ending rant I didn't think was needed at first, but the more I thought about it, having described this as prose, and reading it through a few times, it is more a final plea than a footnote, to treat those who may not be normal with decency. While it doesn't do it for me, I can understand in this day and age why you included it. I may not have written it like this, as it does jar after the rest, but that's on me.

Nice job and good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
786 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 32 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/stevengepp