After reading your poem "Not Without Me" I would like to offer the following review. Please know that any comments and or suggestions I give are my opinion and mean no disrespect towards you. I hope you'll find them useful. I usually only review poetry on the emotions it evokes in me, as I am not qualified to review it for your choice of style; I feel that is up to the poet.
This poem has some depth that touched me. I invisioned a lonely soul in the aftermath of finding a friend or lover doing something unforseen, and it causing pain. I did notice that you have the word can not which should be one word, cannot. Good luck and welcome to WDC.
You have a wonderful imagination that you brought to life in your entry. I could see it in my mind, and I thank you for sharing that. Wildflowers are all so individual, like people, so that many perfect gardens wait to be filled.
After reading your poem "Late Night" I would like to offer the following review. Please know that any comments and or suggestions I give are my opinion and mean no disrespect towards you. I hope you'll find them useful. Also, I only review poetry on the emotions it evokes in me. I do not feel qualified to review it for your choice of style, I feel that is up to you, the poet.
Format: Your layout was good, easy to read. With as short as it is, I liked that you kept it in one stanza.
Suggestions: Just one general suggestion, there were a couple of spots where puncuation may help the reader interpret it better. I myself choose to skip puncuation in some of my poems, but sometimes it feels needed.
Overall Impression:
This poem was entertaining and each time I read through it, I got a different image from it showing that it has many ways to touch the reader.
After reading your poem "Walk in the Moonlight" I would like to offer the following review. Please know that any comments and or suggestions I give are my opinion and mean no disrespect towards you. I hope you'll find them useful. Also, I only review poetry on the emotions it evokes in me. I do not feel qualified to review it for your choice of style, I feel that is up to you, the poet.
Format: Your layout was good, easy to read, and the way you spaced the stanzas helped with the reading flow.
Suggestions: Stanza 3 : In your 3rd line, you might consider taking out the word and. It doesn't really add anything to the imagery.
Overall Impression:
For me this poem was entertaining with a message of someone telling the person they loved how much they wanted to spend time with them. I thought you used good imagery and I smiled while reading it over a 2nd and 3rd time.
I don't normally judge poetry because to me it is so individual for the person writing it. You made me see the poem, so I just wanted to thank you for sharing a wonderful poem that brought images to this readers mind.
I think your poem is very good. It paints a picture of, not only the woman, but how she got there. I love it when the writer can draw the picture in the readers mind.
There were 2 things that caught my attention.
In the 4th stanza 3rd line you have Metling and I think you meant Melting.
and in the 5th stanza 3rd line you have Even though her mind be numb it might read smoother if you changed the be to is .
Your story is beautiful. I could see the scene in my mind while I was reading it, which is what can catch my attention to fall into a book and stay there for hours. I think that this story has the potential to be developed into more, especially with the way you use imagery.
There were a few things that caught my attention when I read through the second time. I hope you don’t mind if I make some suggestions to you, and I hope that you are not offended.
In the first paragraph you have, “With a sigh of deep contentment her face turned to the sky, and as the first drops caressed her face, she felt perfectly content.” My suggestion would be to change the content at the end of the sentence to something like, "she felt perfectly at ease" or "she felt perfectly wonderful". This way the word content is not repeated in the same sentence.
Also where you have; “Her dance slowed and her voice took up their rejoicing. Her song joining in with the sound of the falling rain and the booming thunder all around her.” It might flow better if you combined them in to one sentence, such as; "Her dance slowed and her voice took up their rejoicing, her song joining in with the sound of the falling rain and the booming thunder all around her."
In the line; “Her clothes soaked and sticking to her body, the rain drops falling through the fabric and landing on her skin.” It almost sounds incomplete. You might try adding just a couple of words to round it out. Ex: "Her clothes were getting soaked and sticking to her body, and she could feel the rain drops falling through the fabric and pooling on her skin."
Just after that you have two sentences in a row that use; "run past". You might try using "hurried by" for one of them, so that you don’t have the repetition.
"She watched others run past, sheltering themselves as best they could with jackets, umbrellas and anything else they had available, and wondered why on earth anyone would go to all that trouble to avoid the bliss which was even now healing the emotional wounds she'd suffered from the stress of the week." This is a very long sentence, and you could break it up if you wanted to separate the thoughts. Ex: "She watched others as they hurried by, sheltering themselves as best they could with jackets, umbrellas or anything else they had available. She sat and wondered why on earth anyone would go to all that trouble to avoid the bliss which, even now was healing her emotional wounds she'd suffered from the stress of the week."
The last bit of your story seemed a little rushed, so I suggest taking another look at it to see if you could add a little here and there to just slow it down some.
Again I truly enjoyed reading your story, it made me smile. Keep up the great work!!!
Stormy
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