You're off to a good start here, pulled me in right away. The only exceptions I can see are a few grammar errors, otherwise it is really good!
This here: She (for indeed, is was a girl) could be re written as: She (for indeed, she was a girl). It is always a good idea to double check your draft and correct errors.
Very good descriptions too! You may make a great writer yet!
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Oh and P.S I'd greatly appreciate it if you were able to have a look at (and maybe review) my story? I also write a lot of fantasy. There's just the prologue so it isn't long as of yet.
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