Oh wow. This poem is woderfully written, but very sad all the same. There is a line that you might want to just fix a little bit. I'm assuming that this is a typo... but I tend to point things out... I don't mean to sound rude.
Line 11: That figure of cours is you, Mom
**That figure of course is you, Mom
Okay. You need to add an 'e' onto the end of 'course' and since you were speaking to her, you need a comma before her name.
Other than that. Great job. I hope to see more work from you soon.
Wow. This is very beautiful. Very sad, but very beautiful. There's only one thing I would fix and it would be to label your verses, because right here:
Chorus
Is it only me that takes each moment
Immortalises it, puts it in a rhyme?
Is it only me that takes raw emotion
Makes it a memory, saves it for another time?
I got lost, I didn't know where the chorus ended, so I had to go to the end and see what the chorus was. Anyways, I would consider writing it like this.
Chorus Is it only me that takes each moment
Immortalises it, puts it in a rhyme?
Is it only me that takes raw emotion
Makes it a memory, saves it for another time?
You could make the chorus italic, or you could label all of your other verses. It helps the reader to not get lost.
Great song though. Excellent job.
Write On,
Emma J. Maynard
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sugarrush
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 5:37am on Nov 18, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
