TElboy, I liked your piece . Specially your title attracted me to your writing . The curosity of the reader is maintained . I would have liked a little more clarity in the theme . What was the new boy's role ? Why can she see him only near the sink ?
Your language is good . Please keep writng
Light bringer , i liked your story . A good theme . I admired the way you get the reader into the character. Though it is short one can feel the depair and the struggle . Your language is excellent . The term prohpet is usually used in the islam tradition . But i did not get any other hint that this is based in the middle east .
Kepp writing .
Bobber , there is a major flaw at the end .
before he also collapsed and died. Is obviosly referring to ants or ant like creatures ,The reader is not sure what exactly it is .
He walked into the kitchen of the house, “Honey, would you put bug spray on the shopping list. I just used the rest of it.” He said as he
You are using the He again . without clearifying who this He is .
The story would be better if the picture was clearer .
Lightbringer I must thankyou for this article . I am new to writing .com . Recently , a friend asked me to review a novel he has written , This article will go a long way in helping him improve his work .
The semicolon is often left out , Many writers are guilty of not useing it enough. I rarely use it as i am not sure of its useage. Now i will be confident of using it .
I like the way you have explained in detail grammer .
BOB this was funny . I have read all 007 . Love the old Bond movies . But your piece was great. Nothing like the origianl ofcourse . But the take off idea is good . Your story was entertaing and langage good . I could find no errors . Keep writing ,
HI foxette . I loved your piece. But i have a question . The answer is not in the article . Does the girl have a challenge. There is a hint , but only just . The love and the feelings of grandparents are evident . You have good writing skills . Keep writing
Tom , i am a fan of Stephen King and have read most of his books. While reading this piece i was reminded of his style.Your language and story is gripping to the end. I liked the plot . A challenge children would take up . The language is without flaws . I like your ending as it has not ended. Kavin still lives in fear. A contiuation is possible ,
Greeen eyed dove , i like ur name :) . It is different . Your poem touched me somewhere . I am sure if the person who is intended for must be moved if he reads it . The moon is a symbol used for love in the east . Many poems have been written about the moon. But your idea was totally different .
Keep writing .
Ann , a well wriiten piece . I liked the style and simplicity of the narravtive . However, there are errors and the work requires further editing . I would prefer shorter sentences .
I remember that both my sister and my brother were choosing opposite gender friends with whom they shared “kissy, kissy, huggy, huggy” relationships, even at fourth grade. I wanted no part of such interactions, even when they set-up a situation pairing me with a boy for a single purpose: to ensure that we would stay outside with them so that they could ”make out” in the dark with the other boy and girl. We stayed outside because they wanted us too; but I rejected any contact with the boy so we sat on the porch and talked.
This para is a bit confusing .
Paigerturner , your story had the power to transport me into Bailey's Corners . The piece is short and powerfull . It could well be extended to many more days. I cannot find any errors.
I enjoyed the story.
Hi! Leila !
I liked your piece . It has emotion . I could imagine the girl and her experience with death .
However,
'We had moved from a land where the day-length changed little over the year, where the summer was hot and the winter non-existent; to a land where the summer days were long, where the ground got covered with frost in the coldest winter mornings. Strangers they were to me, both the people and the land."
This para left me a little confused .
Keep writing , your experiences are very heartwarming .
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