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Review by clueless Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I thought this was a really good opening chapter. You included a lot of needed background info yet I didnt get bored (which often happens) your description was really good and in depth and I felt like I could SEE the little dragon figures infront of me, which was really good. The way you ended it also kept the reader (me xD) really interested and wanting more which as you probably know is vital when writing individual chapters on a website like this.

Suggestions: You describe things beautifully, and I would really like the store to be described in a bit more detail. If you think of it like a film, the camera would probably sweep over the shops interior, stopping/slowing at a couple of really weired things, so describe it like that! In my opinian that's what seperates the good and the excellent writers. The reader really has to see whats happening in their mind, and it wouldnt be as good if it was on a really blurry background. You see what I mean??

Also the shopkeeper, I think you need to go into him a little more, or a lot more if he's going to be one of the main characters. He has a lot of potential that I think you need to tap into.

Please dont stop with this, it sounds like it could be an amazing book!!

Lots of love,
Sammy ^^

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