First great report! I enjoyed the analytical thinking that you seem to do daily. This piece opens the mind of the reader to explore others thoughts, which is what great works should do.
In Paragraph 2, "She finished her breakfast and left before me, but as she walked passed my table," I feel like the word passed should be past. If she had only passed your table it would be different but the way it is worded makes the sentence faulted. This site helps, http://www.dailywritingtips.com/passed-vs-past/. I am in no way picking on your work. It is brilliant! I found it absolutely thought inspiring, sad at points, but that was for our society, not your work.
I am thankful that your parents shared with you the value of communication. Technology truly does have an effect on people today. I am from a small town in the South so it is common to greet strangers in public settings. I have noticed though that Generation Y doesn't do it as much as the older people, (faces down on phones). I know from listening to my parents and grandparents talk about "the younger generations" that this is always going to be an issue, the next generation is robbed of something that was important to the ones before. I love that you chose to explore this topic and delve into the workings of the mind; Why we behave the way we do and the internal battles people face. I also love that you related it to popular characters which helps the visual for the reader. Great job. Congrats on Graduation too by the way :)
I really enjoyed the story and the creativity. You have given us a new world to explore. It seems very imaginative and colorful. You used a great deal of description in your characters which only adds to the scenes. I have one small criticism though and I hope it helps at edit. The verbs don't match. It seems you kept fluctuating from present to past tense. It is also easier to read if you use commas instead of hyphens. That's just something to help the reader. And I am really happy that there were no typos:) I did love that you gave the characters a bond, but it may have needed more back story. That may even come later.
I really like that you posted enough to draw the reader, (me), into their world. I love the names that you gave your characters and that you didn't limit their abilities. I enjoyed the work. I think you have a good story here. I hope you continue it. Good Luck in your endeavors, happy writing:)
This piece embraces so many women of today. Young girls on up. Our female confidence level is so low it breaks my heart. It is sad when a person(male or female) can't see their own beauty. People have become so caught up outer appearances that we forget how beautiful people can be on the inside is a touching piece. I did have to reread it where she changed from a loose top to a loose top, but I think that was just me. This reminds me of my 11 year old daughter. She feels ugly and fat even though I tell her daily how beautiful she is. She is stunning but doesn't see it. I am glad she isn't conceited but a little confidence would be nice. It is so sad that people have these issues. It was nice of you to write about it and give it another perspective. I am hoping that you don't feel this way personally, just like I tell my daughter... Your inner beauty will shine though the darkest clouds and mean people are jealous hags!...(And as for fat? MARILYN was a goddess! And Penelope Garcia on Criminal Minds, ha! Perfect beauties!) ....keep writing, good job :)
This was nicely written and funny. I am certain many agree with your view. I like the "I am not everyone". It does capture the pressure placed on teens to conform to what some think of as silly traditions. I am sad that we can't (as parents, society or whatever) let it be a more creative time for youth. But back to the writing itself, great job. I'm impressed with the expressive nature. I am impressed with the clean lines and think you did a wonderful job in description.
I loved the descriptive quality of this. It is a great piece. I really like the story as well. I can feel the excitement of Smythe, realizing something great will come. I also loved the use of colors to give depth to the Pisces Character. I noticed that you gave him a personal trait of selflessness, that just adds to my interest in the story. I love to read things that hold my attention! Great job! Now I am going to have to follow along as you expand, keep writing:) Inquiring minds want to know:)
I am so sad for Clarissa and Carlos. This poem touches on more than just the differences in race or religion. It opens the heart to this couple in the poem but also opens the readers eyes to the power of love. Of course, I want it to have a happy ending and in my mind she tells her kids to deal with it. I like that you left the ending open for the reader to decide the fate of the characters. That is what I gathered from it anyway. This is a thought provoking piece. I really enjoyed it, even the sadness for them. I think you did a great job with the flow also. I have never shared any of my poetry with anyone and understand that it takes a great deal of skill to accomplish so much in such a small amount of space. You just told me a life story in minutes. Amazing! Hopefully this will evoke emotions in others and allow minds to be opened.
Wow! I have chills all over! That was great! Motivating and moving. You showed the compassion felt in the human spirit. Thanks for sharing this piece of work:)
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