I really love this poem. I feel this way. Sometimes I gaze at the stars and imagine that the way they shine down on me is a kiss. In that way your poem really connects with me, and how I feel.
One suggestion is to capatilize "for others," so it reads "For others," just so that the break betwee thoughts is clear. You may want the previous thought to flow into this one, but in my opinion, it makes more sense if you slightly separate those two thoughts. Just an idea, but on the whole, I love the way you phrased lines, and the rhythm you created by breaking lines and placing just one word on a line. Hold on, I'm going to read it again............mmmmmm still great second time around!
One other completely subject suggestion, this one you can trash if you like. But when you say "I am one of the few," it seems a bit presumptious. On the other hand, you later state that few know love and are awakened, so I get what you are saying.
An idea is that you culd phrase it as a question, "Am I one of the few," but since that would change some of the meaning, I wouldn't rush to do it. I guess I'm merely pointing out options, to make sure you are saying exactly what you want to say.
Happy new years, and a WDC kiss!
Rainy Don't rain on my parade... I'll do it myself!
I have tons of ideas.
One is to answer the question first, in bullet points, and rank what you think is the most important.
Think about what your audiance, (the readers) will be looking for, what they want to read and what they DON'T.
Do your research. What KIND of journalism program is it? Hard hitting investigative, opinions, what kind of writters do they typically produce? This will give an idea of what they are looking for, and how to shape your essay.
They want to hear about how much you want to be in this program, why you will succeed and be an asset to their program.
They probably don't want to hear about personal problems. Yes, including one or two to make a point like "I'm determined," or "I have exprience with handeling difficult people," stuff like that, that's fine. But don't give them a sob story, or too many details about anything really. i know this sounds cold, but I've learned from bitter, (and trust me it feels bitter) experience that they don't want to get depressed while they are reading a pile of essays!
Word limits are hard, but in this case it tells you what they are looking for. They want to see that you can communicate with as few words as possible, that you an relate complex ideas with mere sentences.
Look at your essay as both a challenge, and a chance to show off how wonderful you are.
They want to get to know you, they want you to succeed, and they want someone determined as you.
Go for it!
Rainy
I really hope you are going to write more. I am very into your story! You pulled me right in, and I don't want to come out. Your charactors are solid, believable, and well written. I hope it comes to a good end, I already like Kate!
By the way, in the middle, when Peter is inspecting Kate's outfit, your refer to her as "sara" and I thought that might be an editing mistake.
Love your story!
Rainy
I like the use of all the different "love" cliches, especially used in this context.
I loved the ryhthm of the poem, and cadence and the ending. I felt in was very poignet. (I'm a terrible speller.)
Rainy
Sigh. What a beautiful poetic story. I liked it very much, as tragic as it is. There is something about love that last after death that is so, i can't describe it, it vibrates in my soul. It answers some question I don't know how to ask.
Your story is very well written, the charactors perfectly drawn.
I LOVED it.
Rainy
It was a little slow in the begining, which is understandable, because you were trying to introduce to reader to a new world.
this is tricky to do, but one alternative, is to start of with the emotional bang, leave tons of questions that suddenly matter to the reader, and they will be DYING to find out the answers. Kinda like the TV show LOST and Heros, if that helps.
But beyond that, I LOVE your story, and hope this is only a prologe with more chapters to come. I'll be sure to read them!
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