What a macabre children's story. But then again, foxes gotta eat...and I'd have liked it when I was little. :)
I have just two nitpicks about it: first, the statement "We all know Hoppitty was a curious...." Well, no we didn't. At least not untill then. Second, the phrase "the Big House" to describe where the foxes live. Did you intentionally use a euphamism for jail to talk about the foxes' house?
Other than that, even though I usually don't read children's stories of this sort, I enjoyed reading this one. Or maybe I'm just gruesome, heh. :)
Great chapter! This sort of story is right the kind of thing I love writing and reading. From your description of the main characters as animals with armour and weapons and whatnot, I assume the story is about anthros? Half animal-half human, wear cloths, stand on two legs, etc, etc? I /loved/ reading this chapter.
I'm a sucker for anthros. ;)
The only suggestion I can make is to work on your style a bit to flesh your writing out. The style and voice in this work is a bit generic. Your very own writing style would add just the right touch to this already great story!
Wow, I like that. I like that a lot. At first I was thinking that the repitition wasn't doing it for me, but then I read it over and mulled for a bit, and it definatly grew on me. For such a simply string of simple stanzas, it has very sharp imagery. Dod you have a particular emotion in mind when you wrote it, or were you leaving it to the reader's mind? Because it got a very odd reaction out of me. It made me feel like I'd lost something very important to me, though I'm not sure what it may be, feel like the butterfly had somehow abandoned me. I know that sounds odd, but I think that makes it a very good poem.
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