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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/symonpude
Review Requests: OFF
31 Public Reviews Given
32 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I'm good for reviewing non-stereotypical fantasy. Doesn't matter how offensive or bloody it is. I'm going to pick out the parts of your story that don't make sense and give you ideas on how to resolve these illogical passages. I may seem harsh some times but sometimes this is needed to make the best of your story. I'm not easily offended or frightened, so if you want your GC or XGC story reviewed, I'm your man. I'm also going to comment on your writing style, if it is really boring or strange.
I'm good at...
Analysing the logical incoherences of your story. Giving helpful ideas
Favorite Genres
Fantasy, Supernatural, Horror (Basically everything out of the ordinary)
Least Favorite Genres
Romance, Religion (except Religion criticism), Poetry
Favorite Item Types
Books, Chapters, Short stories
Least Favorite Item Types
Poems
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Symon Pude Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (1.5)
That was mostly confusing. For a long time I didn't even know what problem the protagonist has with her therapists. I'm still not completely sure about that.
It takes a while until you name your character. This makes it hard for the reader to get a sense of her. You could replace the first "she" with her name.
The way you write your sentences is hard to read and sometimes they aren't even grammatically correct, e.g. your first sentence.
According the story: I don't know why you asked me for a review, because I like to read mostly fantasy. So I may not be the best to review the plot. I kind of missed the suspence in this story. I liked that you chose the point of view of a stalker to put this issue more into focus and that the reader learns to better understand why people would do such a thing.
Your story is almost entirely made of backstory, where you sometimes even repeat yourself. The parts where you switch back to the present are way too short.

Sorry about this rather negative review, but I do think you still have much work to do to make it enjoyable to read.
2
2
Review of Frigid Melancholy  Open in new Window.
Review by Symon Pude Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Your story is a good read.
Not sure about your premise, but good nonetheless.
I guess the cold is a metaphor for dying and the owl is death.
Your character should have maybe started shivering earlier.
When the voice called he could have doubted wether it's real.
Sorry if this didn't help much, but I normally review stories that are not as metaphorical as yours is.
3
3
Review of A Place Of Refuge  Open in new Window.
Review by Symon Pude Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I really enjoyed your story. I'm going to list a few things I didn't like, but don't be discouraged.
Your story is not Sci-Fi. Yes, it does play in the future but there is no special technology.
It is very unlikely that the chimney is still free.
I knew you chose three years after the apocalypse to set your story, because it is possible for people to have survived this long. I like this, but I think it would take longer for society to fall apart as they would have better survival chances in small groups. Especially a woman and her child have a good chance to get into a group where they protected. Also three years seems a little to quick for climate to drastically change.
It is more likely that they found them due to the smoke out of the chimney (and they could've taken a little more time to get there)
Some parts could be explained in more detail. For example: how did she check that the man was dead.
4
4
Review of It Comes Forth  Open in new Window.
Review by Symon Pude Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
You have a very nice story going there.
I didn't find any big mistakes or parts that weren't good.
One tiny thing: once she heard something and described it as a "movement". That isn't really a good word to describe a sound
I like the toughness and resourcefulness of the protagonist.
Keep that going. Your novel seems interesting.
5
5
Review of Chapter 1  Open in new Window.
Review by Symon Pude Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Makes me wish for more
It's written "coming", not "comeing"
I think you intended to omit dots and commas to make it fast paced, but sadly this also makes it hard to read.
6
6
Review of BRYAN  Open in new Window.
Review by Symon Pude Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Very nice story. I have only a few marks.
Jay's second question is really something strange to ask in this situation.
At some point Jay has thoughts and monologues to himself. This breaks the storytelling this work uses.
If Bryan really is that ugly, why does he suddenly pass for a human? He also doesn't have any kind of papers. A remark on how he got them would be good.
7
7
Review by Symon Pude Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Nice work and nice ending.
I really liked to give you some ideas to make your story better, but I'm at a loss of ideas in sight of your masterpiece.
8
8
Review by Symon Pude Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Your story has potential.
Maybe a little more information on which time exactly Rob comes from (modern or sometime in the 20th century?)
You could explore the feelings of your characters more. When rob sees the light first he may try to explain it rationally. When he can't get a breath in he should be terrified. When he uses magic (which he is using way to perfectly for my taste) he should feel how this magic affects him
The sudden switch of the point of view is a little confusing. It may be better to move the part from the view of her to the next chapter.
I have found some typos, just read it through once more
9
9
Review of The Dread Bridge  Open in new Window.
Review by Symon Pude Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (1.5)
Sorry, but please learn the correct use of they're, their and there.
So, the story itself has great potential. Although I have already seen stories where the protagonist has an inner demon, they're still very rare.
Your protagonist reacts way too composed when he first hears voices. How would you react if you started to hear voices? Most parts of this story could be sweetened up if was done by actual conversation instead of just reporting it.(for example the part when he speaks to his friend)
I guess what readers should take from your story is to overcome your fear and be courageous enough to do what you like to do. But your character comes to this point by giving up. Was this your intention?
Also the lore is strange. There are still carriages being used, but they're already magazines. Could be that you're trying to create a 19th century kind of feeling, but I think magazines only became popular in the 20th century.
Then, in the end when he talks about technological advances in other worlds he says cars and computers. Is your character an elf to survive the rise of both?
The erotica you wrote was better
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