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Review by Talashira Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
GENERAL
Short, yes, but extremely powerful. I consider the ability to bring tears to the reader's eyes after only a few lines to be a rare talent. It's a beautiful sentiment. I especially love the way you allowed the husband to be the type of person to still be newly amazed at something so common in his life, as though he were just seeing her eyes for the first time, even as he dies.

SUGGESTIONS
Though it's not particularly necessary, I feel as though there should be perhaps a more loving last word from the husband to his wife. It doesn't seem to fit with the message behind the story that his last words be about how the cancer is eating away at him, body and soul. A single term of endearment would cause the character to seem better glued.

GRAMMATICAL
- Line 1: need a space between "trembled," and "as".
- Line 5: need a space between "No," and "no,".
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