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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/talera
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333 Public Reviews Given
333 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Money  Open in new Window.
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I know people say money is the root of all evil, others even that it is a necessary evil. My personal view of money is that it is a tool. Some people can use it for good or evil, for others how they obtain it can be morally judged somewhat.

I like that your poem not only looks at the concept of money in its various forms, but also the views and uses for it. I really do feel your piece is showing the same attitude I have about the financial side of life, that it is controlled by people and it is simply a tool. Money itself has no control over its own use in the same way a soapbox cannot be blamed for the speech of the person standing on it.

While the concepts mentioned in the poem can be very serious in nature, the poem has a whimsical flair which increased the enjoyment for me and brought life to what may fall into a normally mundane topic.

My only suggestion is you have ‘out debits’ which while it makes sense still feels initially like it should be ‘our’ like it is with credits.
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Review of That Place  Open in new Window.
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I found this a very interesting piece. While reading through it I wondered if it was a place or an experience, or even maybe just a state of mind.

The revelation of the place you were discussing brought a smile to my face. It was definitely not what I expected and yet reading back over the words was utterly appropriate to things I have felt at various points while being a member of this site. I have to admit though; part of me would be interested to see how it reads without ever knowing your subject, the ability for it to remain whatever the reader imagines it to be. But then that would remove the point of the piece!
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Review of The Novelist  Open in new Window.
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
One thing I find more often than not when I review poetry in a rhyming format is that the rhymes feel forced. However here they feel quite natural.

When I have the muse visit me, I’m the same in that I can’t even concentrate on tasks I have without other words filling my head. The impression I get from your poem is that sort of feel. I do not believe you are literally sitting from dawn until dusk, but I believe it is more that the inspiration and writing is overshadowing any other task you are undertaking during the day and the urge to write before you slumber is overpowering you by the time you should be getting ready for bed.

The only suggestion I have for this piece is the line Aristotle insisted on a beginning, middle and end feels like it has too many syllables compared to the next line it is in time/rhyme with.
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Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
The use of online handles can be a very flippant choice for some, or incredibly personal. Where there is this personal connection, the handle will often be used on other sites unless it is reason specific. I’m unsure if you use this handle in other places or just writing ones, but it is incredibly clear how personal it is to you.

I like that it is something you have developed. For me, my handle is personal, but someone still derived from another source. This piece explains to me how it came to be created and also why it is personal.

I appreciate knowing its connection to your main work and how, whatever happens from here on for your writing, it will remain incredibly poignant for your future. It isn’t just a character to you, it’s a time in your life where a decision was made and pursued, the name being a symbol of that choice.

Also, the way you have written this is not just showing me the name and its origins. It is also showing me how you changed over time, how your ideas evolved and tells me that everyone goes through this when they start. I know I have had things stuck in my head and changed mind wondering if it was just that the idea isn’t worth pursuing. For new writers like me, seeing others going through the same thing and knowing it just has to evolve until it ‘clicks’.
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Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
As part of the port raid, I noticed you spend a lot of time not only conducting activities for others, but also assisting others in how to improve reviewing and so forth. I decided I would review and rate the items people often overlook and this is one of them.

The biography section in WDC is brief. While I put things in mine, I have found that often the bio section doesn’t really tell me much about the person. I found your expanded biography section to be incredibly useful. It not only told me about you, but also your writing, experience and activities you are involved in. This helps me to understand not only what I can expect in your port, but also the type of person you may be.

You included influences which also expands your reader’s knowledge on writing styles and not just topics. You have links to published items which may not be in your port.

What I found the best thing in your expanded biography is that you tell me where you are from. As someone who does a lot of reviewing, it can be difficult when I do not know where someone is from, what type of English they use or even if English is their second language. As you would be aware, reviewing someone where English is their second language versus someone who is just a poor speller can change the tone of the review dramatically. I fully appreciated not only knowing where you are from, but also the type of English you utilise in your writing!
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Review of The Human  Open in new Window.
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
An interesting piece which is definitely in the right category given the nature of the events. I would suggest rewriting the brief description of the piece, as that way it doesn’t make your reader think ‘monster’. While they may be a villain, it could just be the food chain event of things, or they could be beastly, let the reader decide.

Most of the errors in the piece come down to two issues. The first is that even after using a spell checker, if the ‘wrong’ word is still a word in its own right, the software will not pick up on it. This is where proof reading comes in handy. For example, “where perched” should be ‘were’, “sent engulf” should be ‘scent’ (this error occurs more than once) and “stomp there” should be ‘stump’. It also allows you to see where a word is missing, for example, “was all but naked in lone” should have an a in there.

The second type of error seems to occur fairly often when people first start out. I recommend reviewing the rules in using apostrophes and contracted words, especially how to use its/it’s. Throughout the piece, you use “It’s”, for example, “It’s dark hair” when it should be ‘its’.

The rest of my suggestions are merely that, not errors but simply tips given to me for my writing previously which I have found helpful.

The first is consistency. In the piece you swap between it and then he. If the villain is able to recognise the creature is male, use ‘he’ from the start. Also, you use human and then Human, another area which would benefit from consistency.

When trying to describe things, don’t flower things to the point of being unnecessary. For example, “and a group of rocks in which had no purpose” doesn’t need the ‘in’. While it is not necessarily an error, it also overcomplicates the sentence.

Try to avoid using the same word in a short word span as it can lead to feelings of repetition for your reader. For example, “head. He was moving things in a certain arrangement that I could not understand in my head”

Other than that, well done!


WDC POWER REVIEWERS
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Review of The Skirt  Open in new Window.
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Very well written and a superb use of description. I don’t know much about your main character and yet the thoughts she is conveying make me feel as if I know her well. I would have liked more indication on the era that this took place in, mainly so I could know if it was the town only that was conservative or if the decade also contributed to such things. You also mention Nancy is from the North so perhaps knowing how long she has been there would also be of benefit to the piece.


Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
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Review of The Crayon Box  Open in new Window.
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I presume that the brevity of this piece was due to contest restrictions. I have to admit I like the approach of making your reader the villain in many respects, though this is detracted by using ‘boy’ when the reader could be female.

While I really want to know how the mother interacts with the ‘villain’ I understand this isn’t possible in such as short piece. Still, your use of description provides a depth which is difficult in short word limits.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
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Review of Tattoo Artist  Open in new Window.
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I really did like this piece. I can see not only what broke him and he appears normal, but also why that population and why he chose to enter that profession for his goals. While we don’t know much about the current Don, we know his background and it brings the character to life in the way you have described it and his behaviour.

Only typo I found was “{iKevin” which happens when coding in the italics on occasion.

Other than that, well done!

{center}WDC POWER REVIEWERS{/center}
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Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
An interesting piece that leaves multiple interpretations for your reader. The flow of the style of language used suits the story, leaving a dream like soulful quality in its pacing.

The only real suggestion I have is that a few spots words were used more than once in a short span and made me feel the story was a bit repetitive. For example, air in “air is warm and clings to my skin, anxiety hangs in the air”, sun in “sun is descending, but stop on the horizon where the sun”, time in “time could be gone in a single breath my feet couldn’t move forward, but now as time”, soil in “soil beneath me. I shut my eyes tight to prevent tears from spilling out, not wanting it, the soil least of all to see me weak. The soil”, eyes in “eyes overflow with water. My eyes” and grass in “grass did not move when my fingers danced upon the tops of it, the grass”.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
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Review of Final Assignment  Open in new Window.
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
One of my favourite time manipulation concepts is the subtle change causing domino effects. I do like how you describe the first one and I guess we will never know how the second one unfolds.

A couple of suggestions. The first is you use “light pen” and then “pen light”. My recommendation is to remain consistent.

Second, I think you mean ‘misstating’ instead of mussitating, but I could be wrong. I also think instead of procacity you may want to use precocity.


Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
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Review of The Lunch Date  Open in new Window.
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
It’s stories like these which remind me I did the right thing when I became a mother. The ‘father’ wanted nothing to do with the pregnancy as then he would have to admit being unfaithful to his partner. People asked why I didn’t pursue things and make him have a role once the child was born, I simply told people I did not want my child being treated as an obligation and one parent who was supportive was better than a sometimes second who crushed self-worth.

Throughout my working life I have seen so many people who were treated poorly by parents and yet still cannot let go of the hope that the relationship will improve. Sometimes it does when the parent has a life changing event, but often it leads to poor self-esteem on an otherwise fantastic person. You story is incredibly well written and brings to the forefront that even though the character knows how wonderful she is, she cannot help striving for the one thing denied to her which she has encircled into her self-identity. To be honest, with this story, I wouldn’t change a thing.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
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Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
To me this story reads both just in its current form but also has the potential to be longer given we don’t know the specifics of the investigation. Your use of description is good, but at times I had to re-read certain parts to make sure I had actually understood it due to the winding nature of the pace.

Be careful using the same word in a short span, for example, “As if feeding one rat to another rat” which would still make sense if the second rat was dropped.

Also, just a small error in “These rats would eat eachother without hesitation” which needs a space after ‘each’.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
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Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
The main thing I like about this is that his body had one adventure which he was not present to, but now he was to experience the aftermath adventure. I also appreciate that the term adventure is subjective with regards to enjoyment and events, this story emphasising it isn’t always positive and to be careful what you wish for.

My only suggestion is to be careful using the same word in a short span, for example, “moon into wavy shards. As he watched the watery moon replica slowly recuperate”



Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
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Review of Dandelions  Open in new Window.
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
An interesting piece written from the perspective of someone who had to face the actuality that he is destined to either be alone, or to disappear somehow to the unknown. While stories often deal with the fear of mortality, this case brings the ever present knowledge it is coming any time, even though they don’t really know what is coming.

I must say, I especially liked the small detail of him eating wheat and then the wheat from the chaff references. I appreciate these small links in stories.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
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Review of Obsidian  Open in new Window.
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
While the monsters in this story felt a bit stereotypical, it did not impact on my enjoyment of the piece. This is because you did such a good job in how you told it from the character’s perspective. We do not know the age or appearance of the main character, yet you manage to put his actions and speech in such a way that I can place my own image and still picture the events vividly, as well as feel like I know him.

While I am all for making speech personal to the character, even if it causes grammatical or tense errors, I would suggest changing “That filth is no proper place for a soldier” to ‘this’.

Only mistake I saw was “If I waited for Heaven to save by butt” which should be ‘my butt’.



Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
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Review of Graveyard Shift  Open in new Window.
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I really liked this piece. The way you covered the ‘villain’ for me meant that even though my brain knew he was a villain, I had so much sympathy for him that even though I knew about the massacre I really was saying to myself ‘yes it’s awful but really was it his fault?’.

My only suggestions for technical aspects are ’(and of course, the white coat and stethoscope that she wore more frequently than the uncomfortable shoes on the floor beneath her desk,)’ has a comma after desk which isn’t required.

Make sure you use a spell check. I’m not sure how things are spelt where you reside, but where I like “Hematology” should be Haematology and “pediatric” should be paediatric.

Lastly, I’m not sure if “conspirational” is actually a word. Normally in descriptions like this I would see conspiratorial instead.


Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
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Review of Dreamcatcher  Open in new Window.
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Until I read the description for this piece I have to admit I had never really given thought to the concept of them becoming ‘full’. Part of me is now tempted to go and read up on the mythology surrounding the items to see whether it gives consideration to that concept as well.

The piece itself, though brief, is well written. I would suggest giving consideration to a little more character development (despite the required brevity due to the contest). This can be done in a small amount of words, mentioning whether he bought it would help indicate if he is an adult, a child would say goodnight to parents and so on.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
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Review of Creeping Crud  Open in new Window.
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I like the concept of the villain who has very simple drives; though I think they are best suited to shorter pieces like this one given there is little character development for their part. Only three suggestions.

Firstly, in the story you switch writing from Mike’s perspective and Bobby’s. Try to stay consistent.

“House fire,” he asked, when he could speak. This needs a question mark since he is asking a question.

“Quiet as a butterflies’ wings” should be butterfly’s.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
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Review of Times of Trial  Open in new Window.
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
While I understand the intent behind this piece and find it well constructed, I would have liked to read more as I’m focussing more on the interactions between the pair and their potential relationship development. Although the piece in its current form still feels ‘complete’ I feel there is room to move if you ever wanted to extend it beyond where it is now. I’m unsure what the actual conflict you would use could be, but I believe the story before me would be a good introduction.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
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Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
This reads like it could be the beginning of a longer piece, but is also fine in the short version before me. It reads like the old detective stories in many respects, but with modern language.

My main pointer is to proof read and not just rely on spell checking software. I’m about to list some errors for you that would have been picked up with proof reading but missed by spell checking. “A thunders storm” should be thunder, “saw you full in” should be pull, “question.”Do” should have a space, “{indent"}All” speaks for itself, “Jeffries mind” should be Jeffries’ and “warty was” should be party.

Only other suggestion is to make sure you don’t repeat the same words in a short span as it can lead to feelings of repetition, for example, “This portion of highway was often untraveled as motorists preferred the new highway.”


Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
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Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Amusing piece. I remember my one and only attempt at sneaking out which also resulted in a large failure to try and get back in. While the outcome was different in this story, it took me back to my own experience and provided a lovely light hearted flashback.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
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Review of I See You  Open in new Window.
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I like this piece. I really like that we don’t know why the reflection is like that or why only in that mirror. In many pieces questions like this being unanswered irks me, but for some reason it suits things here.
You have a good use of description and it is simple as the piece requires, I don’t think over romanticised adverbs would work with this story.
Only technicality I can see is “You know what, boss? You need to take the day off? Or a few days.” doesn't sit right with me having the second question mark given she is telling Kathi and not asking.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
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Review of The Invitation  Open in new Window.
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I did like this piece. All of us at some point have wanted to take revenge on people who treat us poorly, but usually we don’t think up something so murderous. I felt the piece was well written in this perspective and believe it works better as the flashback than if it was written all in current tense.

I would have liked to know more about your main character. I believe they are a female, but age and so forth would have been nice as it would indicate to me, as a reader, more details on others likely to be in attendance.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
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Review of Trophy Hunter  Open in new Window.
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
While I knew what would be happening with the female victim, I think you carried this piece incredibly well to its execution. I think it is just as long as it needs to be and the character depth is also well done. Your use of description is superb and I could picture everything very clearly.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
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