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Review by the-dude462 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
hello DaveE, I have happily come to review your story

I must say it is a amazing piece! the formatting is amazing! the excellent use of periods commas and quotes is not something I get to see often!

I love how you contrast Ralph's weight before and after the world changed with the Monkey bars, truly amazing!

if there was something I really had to say I dislike, it would have to be the letter not being in quotes or being different in some way, but that's simply me putting my opinion up


over all I loved this story, it was wonderful and I absolutely adore it!
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Review by the-dude462 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
hello Jojo, I have happily come here to have a look at your story and give my personal feedback on it.

what I want to immediately say is that your story could be read a lot better if you spaced out the days a bit, a gap of one or two paragraphs would allow other readers to have a much easier time reading this fine piece.

another thing I would like to bring up is the dialogue, when I write I usually split the paragraphs where characters talk apart, allowing readers to tell apart who is talking from who

one final thing, and I am very sorry if this is nit picking, but when contractions (he's, can't, shouldn't) are used, an apostrophe is placed in absence of the removed word
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