wow that was really deep, and a bit creepy. I really enjoyed it, even better than the other story i had read from you. This is really great, almost Stephen King level, and i love horror. You should try and enter this into a horror contest, if there are any :D
Wow this is really good, especially for a newbie. I thought the writing style was really good and the plot was interesting. I think this could develop into a longer story, and that you should continue in it. I really enjoyed reading this and hope to see you write more.
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