I liked the general idea of your story, but I am not so sure about your execution. Your first paragraph gives away one of your major plot points, and it does not draw the reader in. I suggest you delete it entirely since you already have the same information as discovered by the astronauts. That way the readers are drawn in by the mystery of what is causing the coma. The writing style seems like English is your second language, full of nonsensical wordings and logical jumps. I would suggest rewriting from scratch. Sorry for the harsh review, but I would not write this review if it was hopeless, it can be saved.
Cyberpunk is alive, but it is not the best moniker for your story. This is just regular sci-fi, and it is the beginnings of a fun story. Your tone is fun, but be careful of tripping people's boredom reflex, a lot of your story here is devoid of originality until the silver hands. I say write your story, thats the only way to find out if it is any good. Good luck, good writing
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/theredfox
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 1:12pm on Nov 14, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
